> > 2010-11-09 00:08:32, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
|
Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today pay too much attention to the personal lives of celebrities. Use specifice reasons and examples to support your answer. | |
|
A lot of controversy exists over whether people usually pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous person or not. Although many people say that it is natural phenomenon celebrities usually and go over, I think it is an exaggerated concern in that the newspapers or magazines dealing with privacy of celebrities are popular and they are more likely to commit suicide or suffer from depression than others due to the stress comes from popularities' concern. (앞 뒤 문장 주어가 안맞아서 무슨 말인지 이해가 잘 안가네요)
To begin with, We could see easily inon the streets sell the newspapers or magazines written about celebrities's sensational scandle by huge letter point with a large font size. Although it is hard to suredoubtful whether it is true or not, many people buy those book in oder to meet their curiousnesscuriosity. Also after the day one's big scandle was broadcasted when there is a big scandle broadcasted, the majority of people would gossip the celebrity at the work or school. For instance, when I didn't know about Korean famous singer's divorce event, I couldn't participate in the conversaion with freinds or collegues. Some socialogists analyze these the phenomone as the way to relieve their stress by talking celebrities' personal life lives because it doesn't bring them any responsibility or gulity feeling feelings of responsibility of guilty.
In additon, Sometimes we could easily hear the news about some famous actors or singers tries try to suicide by depressiong or stress comes from people's attention (앞과 동일한 표현이므로 paraphrasing). Because they have been paid a lot of people's attention, they have been limited to doing something such as shopping or walking in the streets. Therefore they have more stress than others but the way to relieve stress is limited, they have tendency to choose the suicide becaus it was hard to overcome for them (논리 전개가 좀 빈약하네요). For example the Korean famous actor who is also popular in japan committed suicided due to stress from his limited place to do something.
To summarize, Although it is true celebrites make money from the popularity, they suffer from too much attention from others and it results in selling of magazine or newspapers about their privacy life private lives and celebrities stress or suicide. | |
1. 똑같은 이야기를 계속 반복하는 느낌이네요
2. 주어 동사 수 일치에 주의하세요