▶ Your Answer :
There is an argument about whether people should more cooperate with others than the past or not. However, I believe that the ability to cooperate with other people is important to people who live in the modern society. In this essay, I will insist my opinion with two ideas.
Intro 깔끔해서 좋아요
Firstly, It is hard for one to lead a company. Putting it differently, companies have become bigger than the past ones, it is impossible to lead the corporation without worker’s helps. Even ‘Apple’ or ‘Samsung’, there are abundant employees who work for their company. If there were a lack of worker’s corporation,co-operation(corporation은 회삽니다) such big companies could not thrive untill today. Also, nowadays, all the duties that those workers do are sophiscated and successive. In the case of plants, if one absences at a large assmebly line, it will have a huge effects on the factory. Therefore, the sense of cooperation is necessary principle to live in the present society.
Body 1 좋아요
In addition, cooperation can be a method to communicate with people who do are not familiar with us. As the morden society becomes is becoming dry, we need to learn how to live together with others by cooperating each other. Otherwise, the moderns will suffer from isolating. According to a survey conducted by Tokyo University, 89% respoders answered that the relationship with their neighbors becomes better than before. Because (문장 시작할때 because는 좋지 않아요) The reason is that they did common chores together with neighbors such as sweeping the roads or aiding rebuliding neighbor’s fences. After assisting helping(assist보단help가 더 적합하니다) each other, they become more accustomed(friendly쓰는게 나은가요? 아무래도 accustomed to는 익숙해지다는 뜻이있기때문에 사람한테 accustomed to를 쓰면 그 사람이랑 익숙해지다라는 뜻입니다, 한국말로 하니까 좀 이상하네요. 지금 이 글의 내용을 보면 friendly를 쓰는게 날 거 같습니다) to people who live in their next house.
In a nutshell, I believe that the sense of cooperation is a mandatory notion to all people. As I said mentioned above, when many people work together for their firms, they will reduce the head’s burdensome. Also, by sharing one’s chores, we can improve the relationship with people who lives nearby your house. us. For these reasons, cooperation is necessary virtue for the moderns.
에세이 쓰면서 people who live~이구문을 너무많이쓴것같네요ㅠㅠ 관계구문말고 쓸수잇는문장 없을까요?? |