me people prefer to cook at home. Other people prefer to eat out. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people believe that the eating a meal at a restaurant is much better than cooking at the home since they don't have to waste a time and just can enjoy prepared foods, while other people think differently. Some people prefer to eat a meal at a restaurant as they do not have to waste money in unnecessary things (인트로에서는 앞처럼 장황하게 설명하는 것 보다는 간결하게 상대방의 의견이 이러하다 라고만 명시하면 좋을 거 같습니다) If I were asked to choose, I would say that the cooking and eating food at home is more beneficial in my opinion for subsequent two reasons. personally believe eating food at home is more beneficial for the following two subsequent reasons. (이 표현이 좀 더 났습니다)
To begin with, if I eat my lunch or dinner at restaurant, I would be dissatisfied eating meal at restaurant can bring about dissatisfaction..This is because a lot of other costumers enjoy their food while talking with their companions and even some costumer bring their infant or kid, because of those noise and crowded people in the place, quality of my eating will be decreased. The quality of the meal can be decreased as there are too many people and noise coming out from different people (설명을 서술할 때 에는 this is because는 좋은 표현이 아닙니다) Also, I have to pay the more amount of money since the price contains a lot of additional things such as services and design of furniture. taxes For example, according to an investigation of Tokyo University, the price of food at restaurant is very expensive. They asked a lot of staffs at many different stores about the price of ingredient and price of their product. (필요 없는 문장입니다)surprisingly, the naive price of ingredient is less than twice compared to the price of their product. in comparison to the selling price what I want to say with the above experiment, we can conserve a large amount of money by just cooking by ourselves. We can save a lot of money when cooking meat at home.
On top of that, even though people try a new thing and skill of that is so clumsy at the first time, they will necessarily be fluent at that field as time passes people can become fluent in cooking meals (이러한 표현을 말하고자 한 것이 맞나요?) To be specific, If we usually cook our meal by ourselves, we will get used to handling a fire and knifing. So, What I mean is that quality of food we cook will significantly improve and then we can be satisfied equal or even more than eating at the restaurant.(이 부분은 굳이 넣을 필요가 없습니다 앞 문장과 비슷한 모양을 가지고 있습니다) Also, by the high sophisticated quality of our food From the highly sophisticated quality, we can gratify our parents and friends. That will be a very good chance to strengthen our relationship.(문맥상 맞지 않게 갑자기 관계가 좋아진다라고 나와있습니다. 개연성이 없는 거 같습니다) For example, When I was a 9, I suddenly tried cooking a very delicious curry and other side foods, since, at that time, I really liked Japanese animation main topic of which is curry. (뭔가 표현이 적절하지 않는 거 같습니다 너무 많은 정보를 한 문장에 담으려고 합니다) And few months later, I provided my parents with my curry and they credited me by saying that " wow this curry is like made by chef". What I mean by this my personal experience that we can enjoy a very good time with our parents by our high quality of foods which is refined since we have prepared the meal by ourselves.
Sum up, we can enjoy our meal without annoying things such as baby's crying or other's loud talking and we are able to get a frugal habit of consumption. Also, our cooking ability will be substantially better In this regard, I firmly believe that cooking the meal at our home is much better than ordering at the restaurant.
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일단 두서 없이 에세이가 서술된 거 같습니다. 각 단락에서 하려고 하는 말이 명확해야 하는데 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 이러한 부분에 잇어서 많은 부족함이 보여지는 거 같습니다. 특히 표현 부분에 있어서 많은 오류들이 많습니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다.