▶ Your Answer : There is a controversial issue regarding whether today, people nowadays too much care too much on their appearance and fashion or not. After taking into consideration of ideas from several perspectives, I side with the idea that it is not excessive for people to put emphasis on appearance for two reasons.
To begin with, nowadays, a good appearance is a great advantage becasue it would help people gain a job opportunity. My experience is a great example. When upon graduation from university, I had been finding was finding a job. Thus I took an exam for entering a company. However, I did not got a job. One day, my friend told me that I needed to care my appearance and fashion. Therefore, I improved my look more nicely. And then, I tried to pass the test for enter entering a company that I failed . Surprisingly, I succeeded to got get a job. If I did not enhanced my appearance, I would not have catched the job opportunity get a job opportunity.
On top of that, people could have a self-esteem from a good fashion and looks. This is because when people care their appearance, other people tell them that they become looks look better, so people satisfy their appearance. According to a study conducted by a renowned research center, 70 percents of the participants agreed that a good look is increase increases people's self-esteem and the study found people who care their appearance are more sociable.
To conclude, I strongly believe that my standpoints of the two reasons are sufficiently convincing. First, a good look is valuable todays. and second grooming could enhance poeple's self-esteem. In this regard, I think that people does not care too much their appearance. good: 24~30 점수: 24 문법적 오류들이 많긴 했지만 전체적 구성이나 에시들이 잘 설명이 된거 같습니다. 다만 아쉬운 부분은 인트로에 several perspective 보다는 반대의 한 의견만 명시하시고 본인의 의견이랑 thesis statement를 더 설명하는게 좋았을 꺼 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |