▶ Your Answer :Without a doubt, the Internet plays
significant role in people’s daily lives in many of places where they work or
play. Some people believe that the Internet has caused negative effects on
their civilization, while others do not think like that. Both sides have their
own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that
the Internet has had not negative effects on my civilization but positive
effects on our civilization. This is because people can broaden their views
using the Internet. Moreover, people use and store information easily.
To begin with, the Internet made people to broaden
their social views easily. When people live without the Internet, they only can
get information about foreign customs or different nations’ cultures using
books or televisions. After the Internet was invented, people could have get
information about other nations easily. This is good chance for people to have global
views. For example, when my father was in high school, he wanted to know the
Brazil, so he visited a library to get information. However, he could not get
information which he wants to know, because books in the library have very
little information about the Brazil. As a result, his questions about the
Brazil have remained before he learns the Internet. After 20 years later, he
started learning the Internet. He could find lots of information using the
Internet such as the Brazil's customs and how to go to the Amazon. My father could
broaden his knowledge and his sight about the on Brazil. Finally, he plans to go to
the Brazil and is finding how to get to the Brazil using the Internet nowadays.
Without the Internet, my father could not get information and widen his views.
Moreover,
To sum up, I strongly believe the advantage
of the Internet far overweight the disadvantage of the Internet for these reasons
that I mentioned above. For these reasons above reasons, I disagrees the idea that the
Internet affects negatively on my civilization.
시간이 부족해서 Body2를 쓰질못했습니다. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 앞으로 에세이를 쓰실 때 너무 바디 1에 많은 정보를 넣지 않으셔도 됩니다. 바디 1에 시간을 많이 투자 했기에, 바디 2를 쓰실 때 시간이 부족 한거 같습니다. 지금 작성자 에세이에 바디 1은 redundant한 정보들과 문장들이 들어갔기에 바디 2를 쓰실 때 시간이 부족했던 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 점수를 더 잘 받기 위해서는 각각의 이유를 명확하고 간결하게 reader에게 전달 하여야 합니다. 바디 1에 많이 쓰시는 것 보다는 body 1 그리고 body 2에 간결하고 정확한 정보를 쓰시면 시간 절약을 하실 수 있을 꺼 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |