▶ Your Answer : Some
people think that TV and movies have more positive effects than negative
effects on children’s behaviors. However, in my opinion, TV and movies have
more negative effects than positive effects on children’s behaviors.
First,
children can watch violent movie without any restrictions.
These
days, all houses have their own TV. And we usually watch a TV during our free
time.
But
the problem is that TV broadcasts violent programs in night time, and children
can easily access to watch it. Because they don’t do not have any policies to prevent
children from watching the improper behaviors.
Second,
it can lead to risky behavior.
Children
can’t cannot easily distinguish the difference between good behavior and bad behavior.
In
childhood, they usually imitate other people’s behavior whether it’s right or
not. So if they watch a violent behavior from TV or movies, they want to
imitate it in their real lives without doubt. And it caused by a serious
accident.
To
sum up, TV and movies have more negative effects on children’s behavior by two
reasons.
In
this regard, I think that we need to make a policy for our children. In
addition we must educate them how distinguish improper behavior. Limited: 12~16 점수: 15 일단 문제적인것은 에세이가 너무 짧습니다. 또한 에세이를 너무 구어체적으로 서술 하신거 같습니다. 간결하고 이해하기 쉬운 문장을 사용하신 것 보다는 장황하고 의식의 흐름으로 에세이를 서술 하신거 같습니다. 전반적으로 에세이가 짧기 때문에 어떤 의미를 전달하려고 하는지 어려움이 있었습니다. 길게 에세이를 쓰시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |