▶ Your Answer : Some people think that governments should invest in on developing
public transportation rather than in on improving medical technologies. However, in my opinion, I think governments should invest in on
developing medical technologies. This is because we should try to reduce
medical expenses and to cure rare diseases by improving technologies.
First, expensive medical expenses are quiet serious problem
in our society. Due to advance of medical insurance system, we can cover
most of our medical expenses. But if we get a serious disease kind of such as cancer, we
should pay a lot of money for that.For example, one of my friend got a cancer 2 years ago. She got
so many surgeries and took medicines for curing a to cure cancer. But she couldn’t could not
afford to pay all expenses, she eventually borrowed the money from loan company. (마지막 부분이 아쉽습니다. 이러한 이유 때문에 의학 발전이 필요하다는 듯한 설명이 필요합니다)
On the top of that, we still have so many disease that we
can’t cannot cure by our recent technologies. And the patients live without any hope. So
if we develop medical technologies for them, they can improve quality of their
lives without fear of death. (두 번째 바디가 너무 짧습니다)
To sum up, governments should invest in on developing medical
technologies for our nation economy and people who want to live longer like a
normal people. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 첫 번째 부분은 첫 번째 바디에서 마지막 부분입니다. 문장의 끝이 어색하게 끝났습니다. 친구가 돈을 빌렸다에서 끝나는게 아니라, 이러한 현상 때문에 의학 발전이 필요하다는 듯한 부분이 필요합니다. 또한 두 번째 바디가 너무 짧습니다 특히 이유에대한 설명이 없습니다. 이러한 부분 때문에 설득력을 줄이는 거 같습ㄴ디. 더 설명이 폴요합니다. 수고하셨습니다. |