▶ Your Answer :
A lot
of people think that It is better to have broad knowledge of many
academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. However, I disagree
with this statement. It is because, If we choose to specialize in one specific
subject, we could get a more salary than to have broad knowledge of many
academic subjects. And, we can use more our time to investment another things can use our time more to invest in another aspects.
To begin with, If we choose to specialize in one specific
subject, we could get a more salary than to have broad knowledge of many
academic subjects. It is because, everyone want wants specialist in this world. Therefore,
there are is a lot of specialist. As they are very well in their part, they could
get a lot of money. But, even if who work hard and know works hard and knows many academic subject,
they have not deeply knowledge so everyone does not want to work with, they can
get a less money than specialist do not have deep knowledge to earn money. For example, according to the survey
conducted by KOREA Univ’s research department, 79 percent of the participants
who are work as a specialist answer that they have a lot of salary. In this
regard, I argues argue that If we are specialist in one specific subject, we could
get a more salary than to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects.
Moreover,
we can use more our time to investment another thing such as, part-time
job and spend time with family use our time more investing in another subjects. The reason for this is that studying many
academic knowledges knowledge is taking takes a lot of time. Therefore, if we could not choose
this option, we can use our time another part of my life. Let me explain my
personal experience as an example. When I was in college, back in BUSAN, I went
through similar situation. that is, I did not have any time to work for part-time
job and spend with my family. It is was because, I was studying many subjects and
learning lots of knowledge. This situation was extremely stressful. And I did
not know what to do. Therefore, I decided to study only one subject, which is most
important and love in my life. Thus, I can get a more time. As a result, I spend
my time to working and I spend my time with my family. This situation was very
happy.
To sum up, If we are
specialist in one specific subject, we could get a more salary than to have
broad knowledge of many academic subjects. Moreover,
we can use more our time to investment another thing such as, part-time
job and spend time with family. Therefore. I disagree with that It is better to
have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one
specific subject. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 전체적인 내용면에서는 잘 서술하였습니다. 각각의 바디의 예시들이 이유를 아주 잘 서포트 하고 있습니다. 하지만 문제가 된다고 생각 된는 부분은 문법적인 오류가 너무 많습니다. 특히 피할 수 있었던 문법적 오류들이 많았던 거 같습니다. 따라서 이러한 오류들을 피하기 위해서는 에세이를 서술하시고 난 후에 proofreading을 꼭 해주시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
항상감사합니다 선생님! |