▶ Your Answer : Some people think that it is better calling
few friends and family for a party than inviting many people as many as they
can. However, in my opinion, I think that inviting many people fits to me. There
are two reasons why: First, it can be the chance of making relationship for shy
person. Second, there are many different people of diverse backgrounds in the
world.
To begin with, in a party, it is so easy
for people to know each other. Even though a man who is afraid of talking to
someone is worrying worries about his personality, the circumstance can be the solution
for him to talk about many things. Furthermore, after they meet in a party,
they can get in touch continuously. It can be a good time to make friends. For
example, a friend of mine, Jim, was not outgoing person. He had few friends. On
the other hand, I had many companions due to the soccer club. When I made a
party, I invited lots of friends including Jim. He was so embarrassed before he
entered, however, the circumstance made him more confidently. As a result, calling
many people for a party was good way for Jim to make friends. 뭔가 이유에 대한 개연성이 부족해 보입니다. 위 예시로서는 본인의 이유를 잘 서포트 못 해 주고 있습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 왜 많은 사람들을 초대해야지 다른 사람의 성향에 좋은 영향을 미치는지 설명을 해줘야 할 거 같습니다.
On top of that, there are diverse people of
different backgrounds in the world. Suppose that you are not join a club or
other activities.one does not participate in a club or activities Would it be possible for you one to meet new people? It is highly
doubtful. For people who are not in affiliated
student group, a party with many people is the only way to meet different
people. For instance, when I was an freshman, I was nervous that it was the first
time for me to go to the university. As I walked around the school, I
accidently accidentally saw a poster that invite invites welcome party with many people on Friday. I
made a resolution and went to the party. There were many students of different
majors in the welcome party. This is because I went there, I made new people
and it was the perfect decision for me to go to the party.
To
sum up, considering that the opportunity for passive person and the possibility
of keeping good company, there seems to be no reason for me to invite many
people for a party. In this regard, I firmly believe that inviting many people
for a party is better than having few friends and family. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 전체적으로 제가 에세이를 읽을 때 바디 원이나 바디 투 둘다 예시나 이유들이 개연성이 부족한 거 같습니다. 표면적으로 터치한다는 느낌이들고 왜 본인의 이러한 생각을 가지고 있는지를 잘 보여주지가 않습니다. 따라서 좀 더 예시를 선정하실때 이유랑 연관이 되는 것을 서술하시는게 좋은 점수를 받는데에 있어 효과적으로 적용할 거 같습니다. 약간의 문법적 오류들도 있으니 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. |