▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that the condition of
the environment will be better in the future. However, in my opinion, it is
impossible to get better in the coming year for the following two reasons.
To begin with, indiscriminate development
of the world makes environment getting worse to get worsened. The environment should never come
second place. Once the environment is destroyed, it cannot be recovered. If we
think about the next generation to come we must develop something in the way of
not harming the environment that does not harm the nature. That is the only way to survive in the far future.
For example, there was a survey performed by world environment organization to
find out how much the environment was damaged for a last decade. They found out
especially most of developing country’s development policy slay lots of
environment for a decade and because of that, 30% of world environment was
harmed and also the velocity of running out of the natural resource increased
about 34%.
On top of that, immeasurable time and money
is required to recover the environment. To be honest, it is totally impossible
to resurrect the environment purely. To revive the environment, hundreds of time
is needed or more than that. With all the current technology, still it is not
that much developed to compensate for covering up all the damaged parts of the
environment. Also the cost of restoring the environment is way much vast than the
benefit from the employment of the environment. For instance, there was a tv
show ‘National geographic’ which I saw last month. It showed the state of the
amazon for the last 100years. It was so intriguing that 60% of the forest in
amazon was abated and hundreds of animal species was gone. It also showed a
simulation that how long does it take to recover the amazon as unharmed state. The
implication of the simulation was shocking. It displayed that it is 100%
impossible to bring the amazon back to the original state as human never
damaged but it takes 500 years to resurrect the 70% of pristine amazon without
any havoc attributed to the human’s greed.
To sum up, for the two reasons that I mentioned above, the condition of the environment will be more aggravated in the coming years Good: 24~30 점수: 24 대채로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 문법적인 오류들도 없고요. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 크게 보는 것은 본인의 에세이를 통해서 다른 사람들을 설득 할 수 잇냐 입니다. 이러한 부분에 있어서는 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 충분하게 서포트 하고 있기 때문에 잘 행해지는 거 같습니다. 하지만 문제가 되는 부분 은 두 번째 부분인데. 두 번째 바디가 너무 장황하게 서술된 거 같습니다. 좀 더 간결하게 본인의 의견을 전달할 수 있었는데 좀 아쉬운 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |