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Undoubtedly, rasing raising pets play plays a significant role in poeple's people's daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that it is not good to spend too much money on their pets, while others think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that it is okay to spend much money on rasing their raising pets. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when people put enough effort and money on their pets, it can help them cultivate important qualities to succeed. Rasing pets requires many responsibilities such as feeding on time, walking them regularly, and cleaning the room often. When these responsibilities are fulfilled, it brings about a better result in life. For example, my brother was lazy and selfish. He changed gradually after he started to raise a dog by feeding, walking it and cleaning the room regularly. He realized that his effort can make his dog healthier while his laziness nagatively afftects the dog as well as other members of the familiy. affects negatively both on dog and members of the family. Without this experience, he still would have been selfish.
In addition, rasing raising pets can improve people's overall happiness even though it needs a lot of money. When people take care of their pets, they tend to feel a sense of satisfaction. For instance, when my younger sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life bacame became exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all the acedemic academic subjects. Fortunately, she was able to could deal with such pressure and stress in a safe way by rasing raising a cat. She played with the cat when she got stressed out. By doing so, she could let off some steam. If she did not raise the cat, her life would stiil still have been stressful.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the advatanges advantage of spending money on raising pets far outweigh those of spending money on other purposes. All in all, puting putting effort and money on rasing raising pets cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of happiness in life. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 전체적으로 내용면에 있어서는 아주 잘 서술된 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 원하는 것은 본인의 에세이를 가지고 다른 사람을 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 적절한 예시와 구체적인 설명을 통해 설득력을 높였습니다. 하지만 문제가 된다라고 생각 하는 부분은 문법적인 오류입니다. 너무나 많은 철자적 오류가 있습니다. 따라서 에세이를 다 서술하시고 꼭 proofreading을 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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