■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people
think that it is better to working at company work at company's office rather than at home. However,
in my own point of view, working at home gives several benefits to workers. The
reasons are that atmosphere of workers' home is comfortable and they could save
their time. time is saved To
begin with, labors’ house makes them comfortable. This is significant to
consider when to regard productability regarding with productivity, because peaceful mind state of a person
is related to the efficiency of the work as the ambiance provides more efficiency. For example, my sister has gone went through
the improved work speed when she quit her job at the company and work quit her job and worked at home.
She had a hard time working with others who are aggressive and argumentative.
It was stressful experience to her and she was unable to concentrate on her
tasks due to unpleasant environment. Now she makes money at home through her
laptop, and she finish finishes her daily tasks faster than before.
On top of that, work working at home can make people
to save their time and use their time more effectively. People who work at home
do not have to commute to their work place. Even more, they can choose their
working time at whenever they want. To be specific, some people are night owls
who prefer to do their job at night. However, general labor time fit fits on day
time which force forces night people to work at the time-period that are is not suitable
for them to make the best results. If these people could work at home, they
could do their work at any time they want.
To sum up, do work at home are working at home is beneficial
due to cozy atmosphere and effective time usage. In this regard, I made an
agreement on the statement that working at home using computers or telephones
is better than working in the office. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 전체적인 내용면에 있어서는 아주 매끄럽게 잘 서술하였습니다. 특히 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 잘 서포트해졌습니다. 하지만 문제가 되는 부분이 두 개가 잇습니다. 일단 첫 번째 부분은, 두 번째 바디가 너무 짧습니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 본인의 의견을 서술하시는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 두 번째 문제는 문법적인 오류입니다. 전체적으로 문법적 오류가 많으니 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |
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