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Undoubtedly, part time jobs play a significant role in students' daily lives. Some people think that university students should not have a part time job while others think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say it is good for university students to have a part time job. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, having a part time job allows students to cultivate important qualities to succeed. Working with others requires many obligations such as being punctual, abiding by rules, and respecting others. When these personal traits are developed, it brings about a better result. For example, my younger brother used to be lazy and selfish. However, he changed gradullay gradually after he strarted started working in a family restaurant after school. He realized that his punctuality could help him to work well with others while his laziness nagatively afftects negatively affects everyone. Without this experience, he would still have been selfish and lazy.
In addition, when university students have a part time job, it can help them to achieve a higher academic performance. This is because they realize that they would not have enough time to follow up the lectures after school. For instance, Tokyo University research center found a huge difference between two groups of university students. The first group consisted of those who had a part time job and the other group was made up of those who did not have a part time job. The researchers found that the former is more likely to show a higher academic performance than the latter by 15 percecnt. In particular, the first group tended to have a longer attention span, a stronger passion in their tasks, and a better ability to delay gratification. On the other hand, the second group tended to procrastinate and act on impulse. This implies that having a part time job is the key to succeed academically as well as professionally.
All things considered, the advantages of having a part time job for university students far outweigh the disadvantages of it for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of working in their spare time cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of success. Good:24~30 점수: 25 일단 전체적으로 구조적인 면이나 논리적인 면에 있어서는 아주 잘 서술하였습니다. 특히 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분은 본인의 에에이를 통해 상대방을 잘 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 이러한 면에 있었어는 지금 이 에세이가 잘 서술하고 있습니다. 마지막으로 문법적 오류보다는 철자적 오류들이 보입니다. 에세이를 서술하시고 난 후 proofreading을 하면 이러한 부분들이 고쳐질 것입니다. 철자에 신경 쓰면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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