▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that teachers should focus only on academic instructions rather than give giving advices about extracurricular activities and providing guidance practical advice about the future. However, I personally disagreed with the idea for the subsequent reasons.
First, students can get an opportunity to interaction with different people by participating in extracurricular activities. Second, students can have wisdom and insight of life thanks to the teacher's advice.
To begin with, having a chance to enjoy specific activities activity helps the students to make good friends and relieve their stress. For example, the students can go hiking by joining the hiking club, there are a lot of various people. When While they hike a mountain, something will be it is likely to occur such as an for circumstances such as injured accidents and enjoyable events to occur. If someone anyone is injured, all members will help him or her to overcome the situation. By doing that, they can make good friends with each other. Whereas whereas, If if something funny happens, they can forget about their problems and just enjoy the moment. Through these events, they can have shared experience and get to know each other well.
Moreover, according to the study done by 24 institutions of Education, 72 percent of the people think that meeting new people and mingling with them is helpful for their mental health and motivate their desire to achieve. In this regards, raising an their ability to adopt to other people is a better way to succeed in social life. If a teacher gives useful advice, advise, the students will performed much better. On the other hand, if the teachers focus only on academic instructions, the student will only become a be only a big fish in a small pond (부연 설명을 해주시는게 좋을 것 같아요).
On top of that, a teacher is a pioneer and an expert on both specific subject and all around the fields. (무슨 의미인지 이해가 안되네요) To illustrate, their lesson for students is a shortcut to arrive at their current objective as well as final destination. (여기도 마찬가지로 의미가 해석이 안되네요)
Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was young, I had a very kind and open-minded teacher. She taught mathematics and Although she was a mathematics teacher, the teacher also taught what people should do or not to do even though despite these topics were not related to our class. She also emphasized that helping other people is the best way to be happy throughout my our life. I always try to help those who are in need and be nice to everyone according to her advice. By doing that, so many people love me and I was able to attain can get self-confidence and achieve great things great achievement. If the teacher had not given me any advice 's advice had not been for, these accomplishment would not have been possible. When I was a student, I got high grade at math too, but it is less important a thing to me now.
To sum up, I firmly believe that the teacher's useful advices is far outweigh than academic instructions for the reasons that I have mentioned above.
예상점수: 17-23 총평: 문법적인 오류가 많고 애매모호한 문장이 너무 많습니다. 의미가 명확하게 읽히도록 문장을 쓰시는 연습을 하셔야 할 것 같아요. 문장을 쓰시면서 너무 길어지면 한번씩 다시 읽으시면서 전달하시고자 하는 의미가 무엇인지 생각하셔야 할 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다.
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