▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the argument that teachers' revenue should be based on his of her students' grades. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the statement. The two ideas below stated can be valid evidence to prove my point. To begin with, teaching students well is significant for students' success. Today, students are living in a world of meritocracy where only extremely talented students can survive. To survive, they have to show their capacity to world. As a result, teachers have to teach them well and giving money according to students' performance is needed. My personal experience can be used to prove my point. When I was in college I specialized in biology and my professor only cared about his researchs researches not students. He did not prepare lectures so there were nothing to learn from him. However, in the case of my friends, his professors had a lot of interests to teach their students and introduce some jobs related their majors. Thanks to his professor's care, he could get a job easily but I still do not have any jobs. This shows the importance of teacher's interests to students so teacher's earnings should be based on the students's performance for students. Moreover, teachers can usher students into the right direction by giving them some proper advices advice or life lessons. Some students are immature to solve their problem at hand ,so they are likely to become wandered. In that situation, teacher's help is vital but some teachers have no interests on their students. As a consequence, it is necessary for teachers to give their revenue depending on students' performance for their maturation. If it is happened, they will more focus on their students because they want to earn more money. According to the private survey conducted by Seoul National University, the researchers did some tests that one teacher got a fee according to their students' performance and another teacher did not. Later on, they investigated all students's performance through some tests and the former teacher's students got more grades than the latter teacher's. The former teacher's students also answered they could did do great jobs on their performance becuase because of teacher's help. He gave them some advices advice when they had some troubles and make them more focus on their study. Thus, teacher's earnings should be based on students' performance. To sum up, teachers' earnings should be given according to students' performance for their success and maturation. In this regard, I firmly believe that the given topic is true. Good:24~30 점수: 26 대채로 독립형 에세이에 적절한 에세이였던 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 것은 본인의 에세이를 통해서 다른 사람을 설득 할 수 잇는가 입니다. 이러한 면에 있어서 지금 이 에세이는 잘 충족 시키는 것 같습니다. 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 잘 서포트 하고 있는 거 같습니다. 본인의 이유를 설명하기 위해서는 꼭 필요한 예시들이 였던 거 같습니다. 약간의 철자적 오류들이 있으니 제가 첨삭한 것을 보고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |