▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that children should have
only math, history, science, and languages as mandatory school subjects.
However, in my opinion, it is better to having art and music as mandatory school
subjects along with others than only having math, history, science, and
language as mandatory school subjects. Through objective speculation, I decided
to agree with the topic for two reasons. First, students can find their
aptitude for art or music by being provided from school. Second, students can relieve
their stress among the hard classes through the art and music class. have art and music as mandatory school subjects for the following two subsequent reasons. (너무 인트로가 장황합니다 이렇게 장황하게 서술하는 것은 좋지 않습니다. 인트로에서는 이 에세이의 방향성이 무엇이고 어떻게 이어나가는 지를 보여주는 것이기 때문에 간결하게 이러한 의견을 서술할 것이다라고만 작성하는 것이 좋습니다.)
To
begin with, students do not have enough time to have opportunities which
they can get in school. Some students do not know what
they like or what they want to be. I believe the experience is one of the most
essential factors for finding to find aptitude. Imagine people only have textbook
knowledge. Their view will be so narrowed. By being provided art and music
class in school, they cannot only gain
diverse experience but also broach their horizon. For example, when I was in elementary
school, my art teacher always complimented my talent of art. I started to go to
art academy. Also, when I was in middle school, the art teacher recommended me
joining the art club. I have been starting the art since then, and now my major is
design. If there was no teachers ‘recommendation, I would not have known what
my talent is and I would have had different major. It has such a huge influence
on me that school have to provide opportunities to students as much as possible by providing art and
music as mandatory school subjects.
In
addition, students can relieve their stress by having art and music class. Having
the outlet for stress means in itself since it helps students regain energy and
to find the strength to go on. Nowadays, they have pressure not only mentally
but also physically, it will help them get back on track after by having art
and music class. For instance, when I was in high school, the curriculum was so
strict that students do not have free time and always get stress. However, whenever they had art and music class, I saw their
happy face. It made them refresh among the strict atmosphere in school. They
really enjoyed these classes and felt relaxed and comfortable during the classes. This example
illustrates that students can relieve their stress
through the art and music class.
To
sum up, students can find their aptitude for art or music by being provided
from school. Moreover, students can relieve their stress among the hard classes
through the art and music class. In this regard, I firmly believe that children
should have art and music as mandatory school subjects along with math,
history, science, and language for the reasons I mentioned above.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 부분에 있어서 잘 서술된 거 같습니다. 부족한 부분없이 논리적으로 매끄럽게 이 에세이를 서술해 가고 잇는 거 같습니다. 충분하게 자신의 의견을 잘 전달해주는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
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