▶ Your Answer : Some people think that playing the computer game is time-consuming, while others believe differently. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that children should be allowed to play computer games. There are reasons and examples as follows.
To begin with, children can alleviate their stress by playing computer games. To be specific, students today always have a myriads of school work ranging from assignments to test. However, playing computer games with friends can help escape from the harsh reality and this can bring give them a clue to to fresh solution to the problem at school. Consequently, this can bring about a better outcome at school. For example, when I was in high school, I was extremely exhausted and stressed due to everyday schoolwork. In order to relax and clear my mind, I played computer games with my friends every weekend at my house. By playing computer games as team with friends and laughing together, I can have a brief moment of relief every weekend. As a result, I can forget about my worries about school and concentrate better on my classes at school. If I had not mitigated my stress by playing games, I would have had a bad school life.
In addition to it, getting stressed is not good for our health. Health must be our priority in life, especially for kids. While being kids, they are growing getting grow up and mature so that stress can be detrimental to is not helpful for their growth and health. As I mentioned before, playing games can remove their stress. However if they cannot take a full rest, it would make them to be mentally and physically weak. For instance, my uncle, a doctor at a general hospital in a city, often tells me that nowadays many of the students suffer from the adverse health effects from stress. They come to the hospital to see him for stress-related ailments and complaints. He has found a relationship between stress and human diseases such as headaches, high blood pressure and insomnia. Playing computer games would be one of the ways that can reduce their stress.
All things considered, I strongly believe that it is better for kids to play computer games. The reason is that they can forget about their worries, such as assignments and exams, and this would prevent them from weakening their immune system.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-20 | - 두 번째 예시에서는 stress와 질병의 사례를 연결하여 설명하고 있지만 근거를 통하여 playing computer가 stress level 을 확실히 낮춘다는 주장이 없어 다소 거리가 있는 내용입니다.
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