▶ Your Answer : A thought-provoking current issue concerns
the relationship between children's creativity and technology. Some believe
that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. It
is therefore timely to consider the validity of this perspective. Personally, I
am convinced that technology has made children more creative than the past. In
the following paragraph, I will explain two reasons for my opinion. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, technology encourages
children to create more (create more라고 하셨는데 어떤 부분에서 create more하는 지를 설명핲 필요가 있습니다). In fact, technology provide provides various kinds of programs
related to creating creativity For example, although Ju-a, one of my sisters is just aged
10 years old, she already composed several songs. For this creativity, she did
not need to purchase expensive of professional instrument. She used a music
application, which is easily installed by using smartphone. After using the
application, naturally, she not only has more curiosity but also imagine more
about music. Were it not for the technology, smartphone and application, my
sister could not experience the imaginative activity, composing music.
On top of that, thanks to technology,
children can share their imagine and information conveniently. To explain, by
sharing their ideas, children expand their horizons associated with creativity.
I'll refer my cousin's experience as an example. Last For example, last summer, I visited my
cousin's house during holiday season. At that time, I watched short film made
by my cousin. I was so surprised because the film's imagination was so
creative. I asked my cousin how it is possible to make the astonishing movie,
and she answered that the Internet cafe helped her. To illustrate, she
discussed ideas and shared some feedback about the movie. In other words, this
technology leads her to absorb more creativity and imagination.
In a nutshell, because technology offers
not only easy access to create and but also chance to share ideas, it is safe
to say that technology increases creativity of children than the past.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 인데 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 아주 잘 서술된 거 같습니다. 군더더기 없이 아주 매끄럽게 자신이 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지를 잘 알 고 있는 에세이인거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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