▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, some people might think that it could be better for
children to grow up in rural areas than in urban areas because they consider
rural areas safer than big cities. However, in my opinion, I oppose to the
statement above with two standpoints; perspective and safety. for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, by living in urban areas, children could attain wider
perspective than those in rural areas. Living in big cities, they could be able
to keep in contact with foreign things that they have not seen before. For
example, there are actually lots of festivals which are held for deep understanding
of foreign culture such as dance contest among people from various countries.
In addition, majority of tourists tend to go to big cities. With ample
experiences of keeping in touch with foreign culture, children could widen
their standpoint. As a result, they could not only understand foreign cultures more, but also accept it without hesitating. hesitation
Second, there is no evidence
that rural areas are safer than urban areas. Rather, big cities could be more of
safety because there have been numerous developments with security system, and
it has being applied to urban areas, and little to rural areas. Also, compared
to rural area, there are certainly more people who could be reliable in terms
of safety such as police officers, and neighbors. For example, I have two
grandparents with one in a big city and the other in a rural area. Whenever I visit
to the latter grandparents’ house, I feel nervous and anxious not only because
there is no security system such as CCTV, but also because there is no police
or neighbors nearby.
To wrap up, there are
actually many factors which make rural areas more advantageous. Because of the
nourishment of perspective and safety, I firmly believe that advantages of big
cities outweigh those of rural areas.
Good: 24~30 점수: 28 지적할 부분이 없는 완벽한 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 이 에세이를 읽으면서 왜 사람들이 시골에서 사는 것 보다는 도시에서 사라야지 좋은 지를 알 수 있었던 독립형 에세이였던 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 이러한 부분이 필요한 것은 가장 중요한 것이 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 이 에세이에서의 가장 좋은 점은 각 단락에서 내포된 구체적인 설명과 적절한 예시 사용은 에세이로 하여금 설득력 있게 하는 것 뿐만아니라 논리 정연하게 만드는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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