▶ Your Answer :
Some people might oppose to the idea that the most important period
in one's life is his or her twenties. However, I definitely believe that the twenties in a person's life
is essential in terms of career and responsibility.
First of all, majority of
people study professional things, which are related to their future career, in
twenties. They go to the universities or college to learn something that they
could not experience in their senior high school and something that they
eagerly want to do. After graduate, people usually go to graduate schools or
have jobs with the knowledge they accumulated at the universities. This means
that people’s career will depend on things they learned in their twenties.
Although there would be some people who change their major in their late
twenties or thirties, in the situation of low-employment, it will not be an
easy task to do, and people nowadays tend not to do so. After all, almost all
of their careers or their life will be determined in their twenties, especially
in today.
Second, one’s twenties could
be crucial chance to be independent and responsible. In the age between 20 and
30, people become adult in terms of law. In almost every country, they are
allowed to drink alcohol or gamble, which could lead to serious disaster such
as alcohol intoxication and numerous debts. To prevent themselves from being
so, they should be responsible, and have to restrict themselves. For example,
my father was always drunk and dropped almost all of the subjects in his
university while in his first-twenties. However, after realizing that he had to
take responsibility to what he had done, he became more mature and independent.
To sum up, since career depends on what people learned in their twenties and since twenties could be a best opportunity to be independent, I believe that one's twenties is the most important period in his or her life.
Good: 24~30 점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 인데. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 이러한 부분에 있어서 완벽하게 잘 충족 시키는 거 같습니다. 각 단락에서 명시되어 있는 설명들이 에세이로 하여금 설득력을 높여주는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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