▶ Your Answer :Disagree
Some people think that watching or playing soccer has negative effects on people’s lives. (Because of what?) However, in my opinion, by watching and playing soccer, people can gain positive effects for the following two reasons . There are two reasons why. First, people can relieve their stress from it. Second, bywatching a soccer game, people can establish a goal. Firstly, people can get rid of their stress. (Mention "by what?") Having the outlet for stress has a meaning in itself since it helps one regain energy and find the strength to go on. People nowadays have pressure not only physically but also mentally. If it will help people get back on track after watching soccer games. In my case, I am so busy with my work in school such as assignment, club activity, group study, so I don’t have time to go backpacking trip for refresh. That’s why I watch the soccer game a week to relieve my stress. By concentrating on soccer game, I can forget complicated things for a short time. For example, when the world cup started two months ago, I watched all of Korea team’s soccer match game. At that time, by cheering for the Korea national game teamwith my friends I could escape from huge stress caused by the escaped my final exam study for a while. And when we won the Germany beyond peoples’ expectation, I felt thrilled and got rid of all my stress.
Second, people can establish a goal through watching or playing soccer games. I believe the experience is one of the most essential factors of success in this world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge. Their views will be so narrow. By watching soccer games people can not only gain diverse experience but also broaden their horizon of the world. For example, when I was in college, I was am big fan of one of the England soccer team. I always watched the games during football seasons a week. At that time, I set a goal to visit to that go to England and watch the games with my own eyes in front of my eye. After six months, I traveled to England and it was my first abroad trip abroad in my whole life. I’m so excited and finally, dreams came true. Through experience, I established another goal that to travel all around the world and besides watch different countries’ soccer game. And this goal is currently underway.
To sum up, people can relieve their stress. Moreover, People can establish a goal through watching or playing soccer games. In this regard, I firmly believe that soccer has positive effects for these reasons I mentioned.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-19 | - 각 각의 주장은 보다 상세히 서술하여 주세요. - Goal to travel around the countries라는 주장은 다소 약한 주장인데다가, 직접적으로 setting a goal 을 도와주었다기 보다는 계기가 되었단는 점으로 서술해주시는 것이 더 적절할 것 같습니다.
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