▶ Your Answer :
One of the events that workers wait for is
their vacation time and there are a lot of factors to consider having the best one.
Most people would agree that the first factor would be the location like where
to go. Based on many perspectives, the satisfaction would be the highest when
they picked the close location from the work place and the detail reasons are
followed. They can save travel time and allocate more on actual travel in the
location, and it helps people to save money as it usually costs less if the
distance is short. Thus, having a vacation close to workplace would be a better
opting than being far away. (본인의 객관적 이유는 나오지 않고 불필요한 정보를 너무 장황하게 서술된 경향이 있습니다. 불필요한 설명은 삼가하시길 바랍니다)
To begin with, picking a nearby vacation
place to the workplace allows people to spend their time more practically.
Usually, the duration of the vacation is not long, so it is a matter of time to
increase the efficiency of the trip. If the trip schedule wisely planned with
flexible time, then people can avoid any time constraint rather they can enjoy
leisure activities more in actual vacation place and spare time to relax after
coming back from trip. For example, from Toronto, having a vacation in New York
is more practical than in Australia as it takes 2 hours and 32 hours,
respectively. It is more important what we do in the place such as what we see
and what kind of activities we do, not in the flight. It saves 30 hours which
is more than two days, especially considering the round trip. People do not
want to spend their valuable vacation time on their flight which is never
comfortable either. Also, people usually feel very tired and jet lagged if the
travel time is too long. Having a good physical condition is very crucial to be
involved in many activities in vacation place. For instance, many tour
companies say that most people withdraw their tour on the first day as they are
exhausted from flight hours. Hence, choosing close location for vacation would
provide a better quality of vacation.
Moreover, people can enhance the quality of
trip as they can save money from transportation cost, so it is more worth to
pick close location from workplace. If the travel distance is far, then the
travel cost is definitely increased accordingly. However, people never picked
flight as their vacation place; they desire to invest more money on their
actual activities, foods and accommodations which are more directly related to
the quality of their vacation. For instance, the flight cost from Toronto to
Japan is almost $1000 more expensive compared to Cancun. This $1000 would definitely
change the quality of the vacation as they can upgrade their hotels, try more
diverse activities which help to affluent vacation and have couple of fancy
meals as part of their vacation. According to the survey from Toronto Blog survey,
when people make the itinerary of their vacation they always struggle the most with
limited budget. This conflict can be easily solved easily if they save money
from travel cost by choosing the nearby place from the work place. Thus, it
would be better to decide close vacation location to improve the quality of
their vacation.
To sum up, although vacation makes people
very excited, there are many factors to review to make it as an unforgettable
vacation. In objective perspective, time and money are the most important as
they can play a huge role to change the quality of the vacation. In order to
satisfy both conditions, selecting close location to workplace is an efficient
approach. As the travel time is shortened, more time can be included in trip
activities and cost is also reduced if the distant is short and the saved money
can be invested during their travel. It is hard to make the perfect vacation
but planning it as a better one is not impossible if they choose the close
location to workplace.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 전체적으로 이 에세이의 문제점은 인트로 부터 시작해서 결론까지 너무 장황하게 에세이를 서술해가는 거 같습니다. 특히 인트로나 결론이 불필요한 문장을 사용하면서 길게 이어지는 거 같습니다. 인트로에서 온전히 원하는 것은 에세이의 방향성이고 결론에서는 에세이를 마무리하는 것입니다. 따라서 전반적으로 이렇게 길게 장황하게 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 자신의 의견을 전달하는 것이 독립형 에세이에서는 꼭 필요해 보입니다. 이러한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |