■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : The best way for you to prepare for a good future is to plan carefully when you are young. |
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▶ Your Answer :Some people think that the best way to
prepare for a good future is to plan carefully at young ages, while others do
not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. In my
opinion, I think the best way for me to prepare for a good future is to plan
carefully when I am young.
I can prepare for my future effectively by
planning carefully from young age because it is faster for me to learn various
knowledge and good attitude of life which will be helpful in the future. The
characteristics of young children that they do not have strict value type or
own concrete knowledge make them easily be influenced by other people such as
parents and cousins. The property that they can change their thoughts and
behaviors easily tends to help them quickly acquire the proper knowledge and
change their own behaviors into good ways. When I was in kindergarten, I did
not study at all and always played without any deep thought of my future and
the plan for daily lives. However, one day, my parents told me that I had to
live a regulated-life with specific plan letting me know how competitive the
society is. As my parents kept stressing the importance of successful future in
the society, I started to change my behavior and value type. It did not take a
long time to escape from my lazy habits. I woke up earlier in the morning to
write my daily plans which contain what I had to do that day and what was my
final goal of the month or the year. Also, I took part in the complement course
of studying voluntarily as I realized the importance of studying for getting
jobs. To survive in the competitive society, I started study harder and I could
always get great scores in school, which made it possible for me go to the
Korea university, which is one of the famous universities in Korea. This kind
of rapid positive change will not be possible now as I am a fully grown-up person
who is already stick to my own habits, behaviors and value type.
In short, I strongly believe that planning
carefully at young ages is the best method for me to prepare for a good future.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 일단 이 에세이에서의 적절치 않는 부분이 두 가지가 잇습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 단락을 시작 할 때에는 I로 시작하면 안됩니다. 또한 다른 한 가지는 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보들을 넣으려고 하는 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분 때문에 에세이가 전반적으로 너무 장황하게 서술되는 거 같습니다. 에세이가 장황하기 때문에 전체적으로 한 단락에서 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 지 잘 이해가 안됩니다. 좀 더 설득력 있게 서술하시길 바랍니다.수고많으셨습니다.
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문제 자체에 "you"라고 명시되어 있으면 꼭 제 개인적인 예시와 개인적인 경험을 말해야 하나요? 아님 people로 받을 수 있나요..?