▶ Your Answer : Agree
Some people
think that take time relax with hobbies or physical activities are spending time on hobbies and physical activities is a waste of time.
However, in my opinion, people should take time to relax. There are two
reasons. First, By taking time to relax, work efficiency can be increase.
Second, health is more important than work. for the following two subsequent reasons.
First, by taking
time to relax, work productivity can be increase increased. Having the outlet for stress
has a meaning in itself since it helps one regain energy and find the strength
to go on (여기서 말하는 outlet은 무엇을 의미하고 있는 건가요? 설명이 필요 해 보입니다). People nowadays have pressure not only physically but also mentally. It
will help people get back on track after exercising or watching movie. For
example, a study was conducted by Korea Stress Institution to determine whether
stress could affect work efficiency. There were two groups monitored. The first
group was formed of people who take time to relax for relieve their stress. to relieve stress.
They were asked to take tests to measure their level of work efficiency. The
other group consisted of people who do not take time to relax and given the
same direction. The researchers compared the outcomes and recorded that the
former group was able to work better than the latter group. The reason was that
people who have time to relax feel comfortable and more concentrate on their work,
because of they get rid of their stress and refresh their physical and mental. The
latter group, on the other hand, do not have time to relax feel annoy easily
and take 30 minutes more than former group to finish their work. This study demonstrates
that take time to relax can be increase work efficiency.
Second, health
is more significant than work. To be specific, the importance of health should
be prioritized. Without good health, nothing can be achieved. Like there is a
saying, “Sound body, sound mind”, keeping in shape enables people to maximize
their work productivity and be self-confident. For example, When I was in high
school, my father worked at IT company as programmer. My father’s role was so important
in the company, because he managed security program. He commuted before sunrise
and worked until late night. Thus, he doesn’t have time to relax and spending
time to physical activity was impossible. Eventually, he gain chronic muscle
pain. After that, my father felt importance of relax, so in order to physical
activity he requested to company and reduced the work time 7 days to 4 days.
To sum up, By taking time to relax, work efficiency
can be increase. Moreover, health is more important than work. In this regard,
I firmly believe that people should spend time to relax for the reasons I
mentioned above.
Good: 24~30 점수; 26 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에서는 이러한 부분들을 잘 충족 시키고 있는 에세이 인거 같습니다. 각 단락에서 설명이 너무나도 매끄럽게 논리적으로 잘 되고 있구 부족함 없이 설득력 있게 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |