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As there is the word that life is succession of decision, we are living in moment of decision. It does not take a genius to know that different each other decision make different effect (무슨 말을 하려고 하는 건가요? 설명이 필요해 보입니다). Therefore, we should regard decision as important part of life. Though many people see this topic as a person should make an important decision alone, my perspective is a person should not make critical decision alone. The concept of effect of discussion clearly this theme for the following reason..
Discussing about important decision with people allows me to make better consequence. This is because if I discuss something with people and decide it, I am able to know what I did not realize. This is always better for advice, not just for the important part, but for the general part. In fact, one’s decision have a power more than people think. For example, when I was in middle school, I did had to decided which high school I should go to. That was one of the most critical decision in my student life. Therefore, I have talked that problem with my parents, perceiving as important matter. At that time I was confusing about my school admission because I wanted to go to the specialized high school, bakery. But my parents tells me that it is better to enter the normal high school, advising study of bakery will able to learn even when I enter the university after. Parents hope me to focus just study, not bakery.
Consequently, I decided to go to the normal high school and actually when I go to that high school, I was glad to discuss with my parents.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 일단 이 에세이를 읽어가면서 느낀 것은 정리가 덜 되어있다라는 것 입니다. 정리가 덜 되었다라는 느낌을 주는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지 모르겠습니다. 특히 이 에세이는 한 단락으로 서술하였는데. 한 단락으로 정했을 때는 좀 더 구체적으로 자신의 의견을 전달해야 하는데 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에는 구체적이지도 않고 문법적 오류들 때문에 논리적으로 잘 표현이 안되고 있는 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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