▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether attractive appearance and fashion is more important that one’s ability to succeed. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different relying depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that attractive appearance and fashion is not more valuable than one’s ability to succeed for the following reasons.
First of all, people should focus on one’s ability to succeed than charming looks and fashion because it has a lot of merits, which as a result helps people to build stability and quality life. People with ability to succeed change the world. As modern society is becoming has become increasingly competitive, today’s world requires people with insight and international outlook. People can do this better by trying to search for their field and thinking creative ideas. To illustrate, Steve Jobs, who is the founder of Apple, made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he had ability to succeed and think creatively. He did this by concentrating on work and study rather than grooming their appearance and fashion. Therefore, this shows that the ability to succeed can become a vital weapon to change the world. Hence, one’s ability to succeed is more beneficial than attractive looks and beauty.
In addition, attractive appearance is only part of visual beauty. People who focus on beauty and charming look have a hard time working at company because they do not make an effort to hard work than people who have ability to think creatively. To be specific, people who have a charming appearance are more interested in beauty than succeed and advance. People in modern society need to regular income in order to live well-to-do and stability their life. Contemporary companies of the industry require people with competent skills in their fields. For instance, according to a study done by the Korea Times, it revealed that people who are interested in charming beauty were not promoted to the high position than people who skills of successful views and outlook in their fields. The study indicated that competent people became leaders at 60 percent. This was because of their specialized skills and abilities. Thus, it is proves that it is more advantageous to try to one’s ability to talent and succeed in order to prepare for the future.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that ability to succeed is more necessary than charming looks in modern society. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic have been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽하게 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 군더더기 없이 아주 매끄럽게 자신의 의견을 잘 전달하고 있는 거 같습니다. 이런 부분이 잘 보여지는 것은 각 단락들이 간결하게 자신의 의견을 보여주고 구체적인 설명과 적절한 예시들이 에세이로 하여금 설득력 있게 만드는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |