▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that lots of human activity have made the Earth a better place to live. However, I am of the opinion that human activity has had a negative effect on the planet because human activity is causing the world to change at a rapid pace. I feel this way for two subsequent reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. personally think human activity caused negative influence on the planet for the following two subsequent reasons. To start with, a huge number of cars and factories has caused major air pollution. This is because they emit lots of carbon dioxide. Many people are nowadays suffering nowadays suffer from serious air pollution such as fine dust. This also leads people to suffer from the greenhouse effect. However, in the past, there were fewer cars and factories than these days, so there was no such serious air pollution. The government recently announced that the air quality of Seoul has been decreasing rapidly for a few decades, as the number of cars is constantly increasing. Obviously, it is clear to me that human activity deteriorates the environment.
Additionally, water pollution has been causing by human activity. This is due to the fact that many people spend their leisure time at a beach. Besides, people harvest a number of marine organisms. Sometimes, there are shipping problems, such as oil spillage. It can significantly pollute the sea water and kill lots of marine lives. According to research conducted by Seoul National University, 95 percent of extinct organisms in the planet went extinct due to human activity. Needless to say, we can see that many human activities have a negative impact on the Earth.
Take all these things into consideration, not only is air pollution caused by human activity, but also water pollution occurred by humans. Therefore, I strongly believe that people have to have responsibility for their activities. Lots of human activities have made the planet a less pleasant place to live. People are more likely to suffer from the effects of pollution than in the past.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 정말 간결하게 자신의 의견을 잘 전달해주는 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 간결함이 가장 중요합니다. 간결함이 중요한 이유는 에세이가 전체적으로 설득력이 높아지기 때문입니다. 이러한 부분은 에세이로 하여금 설득력 있게 만들어 주는 것 뿐만아니라 전반적으로 자신이 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지를 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |