▶ Your Answer : Some people think that even though people
do not accept the critique from others, they can be successful at working in a
group, while others do not. Both sides have their own reasons to support their
own views. In my opinion, however, I think people who do not accept the
critique from other people cannot be successful at working in a group.To begin with, if there are people who try
not to accept the critique, they cannot improve. Not listening to others’
critiques results in sticking to the conventional way and considering their own
way is the best. It prevents people from acquiring the better, which leads to
missing the chance to achieve more successful result. Jane was a leader in my
biology group project. She kept finding resources from libraries, only focusing
on print materials rather than using the Internet. Other group members
including me criticized her saying that the method she was using took too much
time and persuaded her to use other materials like searching information from
the Internet. However, Jane never heard our critiques and she required us to
follow her way as she was the leader of the group. As a result, as we expected,
the research process took a lot of time. We could not submit the paper on time and
got the lowest score in the class.
Second, the attitude not accepting the
critique from others causes conflicts between group members causing worse
results. Ignoring others’ opinions and rejecting to accept the critique make
the adviser feel frustrated. This kind of discord tends to make the quality of
the result lower because they cannot cooperate efficiently. When I took part in
the chemistry group project in my high school, there was a member whose name
was Jane. Jane kept finding information in personal blogs which are not
reliable enough to use in the term paper. Other group members tried to let her
know other credible sites, send links and explain why she should not use the
information from personal blog. However, she never listened to them and stick
to her way without understanding her mistakes. She avoided the conversation and
did not answer the e-mail. Therefore, other group members felt that Jane
ignored their sincere critiques and upset, which triggered the real fight
between them. As they fought severely, they lost their passion toward the group
work and the length of our term paper was much shorter than it supposed to be.
In short, I strongly believe that people
who do not accept the critique cannot be successful at working in a group.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 군더더기 없이 잘 서술 된 거 같습니다. 이 에세이에 있어서 칭찬 하고 싶은 부분이 두 가지가 있습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 간결함입니다 두 번째는 구체적인 설명과 간결한 예시입니다. 이 두 가지 통하여서 에세이가 굉장히 논리적이게 보여진 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |