▶ Your Answer :
In one's life, there would be numerous cases of worrying how to decide things people ponder a lot to make a decision. One of them could be whether making hasty decisions are never the right ones, or not. In my opinion Argument concerning with hasty decisions is on the surface as people have different perspective, I do not think doing so could necessarily be right things to do for several reasons. I disagree with such notion for the following two reasons.
First of all, it does not mean that hasty decisions always lead to negative consequences hasty decision does not always lead to negative consequences. There would be some people who contend that not thinking and deciding seriously could result in disastrous effects because it lacks rational reasons for deciding things, which could be made by considering profoundly Making hasty decision could bring about disastrous result as it is not rational decision (이렇게 표현 하려고 한게 맞나요?). However, I do not think this is acceptable because appropriate reasons for the decisions would not necessarily contribute to positive results-there would be other factors for it, such as fortune, the situation, etc. For example, on my exam at school, I made a serious decision with a question that was hard to me. However, this did not lead to correct answer-in this case, the factor was the lack of my knowledge. (예시를 통해서 정확하게 전달하고자 하는 것이 무엇인가요?)
Second, thinking and making decisions too much would rather lead to more stress. Considering carefully, one would be suppressed by the pressure of responsibility; he or she would feel that they have to make nice decisions for positive effects, for a long time. However, there is no guarantee that serious decisions could result in acceptable results. If one made wrong decisions though he or she devoted one's time into thinking, they would feel much amount of stress. This would furthermore result in depression, if worse, mental diseases.
To sum up, I oppose to the idea that decisions without seriosity are never right ones. There are actually many factors which contribute to nice results, which means that the method of making decisions are irrelevant to consequences. In addition, people will feel more suppression by thinking too much.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 일단 주제를 벗어난 거 같습니다. 이 에세이의 전반적인 주된 내용은 갑작 스런 결정을 내리는 것이 옳냐 아니냐 지 심각하게 생각하고 결정을 내리는 것이 맞냐에 대한 것이 아닙니다. 또한 지금 각 단락에서 어법상 표현 하는데에 있어 무슨 말을 전달하려고 하는 지 잘 모르겠는 부분들이 있습니다. 제가 첨삭해서 바꿔놓은 문장들이 맞는 지 확이 하여주시길 바랍니다. 또한 첫 번째 마무리 같은 경우는 덜 끝난 거 같다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 이 부분들을 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |