▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are nowadays. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that teachers in the past were more valued and admired by society than they are nowadays for the following reasons.
First of all, teachers in the past have many advantages than modern times. had many advantages. To be specific, teachers in the past was were solely educator because it was difficulty for students to acquiring acquire books and materials in fields of education (문장에 있어서 개연성이 결여된거 같습니다 선생은 교육자라는데 그 후에 설명이 책을 얻는게 어려웠다는 전혀 맞지 않는 거 같습니다). As modern society is becoming has become increasingly developed, however, today's technology allows students easily to search for the Internet and electronic library. one can find knowledge easily by searching on the internet Also, students in the present do not think that teachers are specialists in their fields. For this reason, today's students do not want teachers more than in the past. Hence, this proves that teachers cannot be more respected and valued by high technology in society nowadays. (예시도 그렇고 설명이 많이 결여 된 거 같습니다. 중간의 설명이 생략이 되었다라는 느낌이 듭니다)
In addition, teacher in the past is one of the valuable professions because gaining to intelligence needed to a lot of money and time in the past. To be specific, there were not chance to learn in old times. However, people in modern society were educated. they also deem that education is duty of the right. Therefore, people in modern society thought that teacher is not regarded as high valuable job and elite's intelligence. To illustrate, when I was in elementary school, my language teacher is only one. Their students thought that he was respected and nice. Surprisingly, my son have has three language teachers in elementary school in modern times. Through this experience, I realized that each teacher nowadays is no longer rare. Thus, this shows that teachers in the modern society are not rare and regarded as value than in the past.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that teachers in the past was more respected and admired by society than nowadays. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 지금 이 에세이의 문제점은 생략이 된 거 같다라는 느낌이 많이 듭니다. 각 단락의 문장들이 이어지면서 설명을 하는 것이 아니라 중간중간에 문장들이 끊긴다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 이러한 느낌이 드는 이유중에 하나는 에세이가 전체적으로 개연성이 부족한 거 같습니다. 두 번째 단락 예시 같은 경우도 보면 갑자기 자신의 아들 얘기로 넘어가는데 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락이나 다음 내용으로 넘어가기전에 문장을 확실히 끝내고 넘어가는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. |