▶ Your Answer : Some people think that parents' hard
regulation is not necessary to children for success strict regulation does not lead to children's success. However, in my opinion, I think parents
should establish rigorous rules to let their children succeed in life for following
two subsequent reasons. the following two subsequent reasons.
To
begin with, tight control of parents makes children gain good habit such as
effective time management and good behavior. To survive in this world of
endless competition, people ought to have good attitude. In the case of studying
in school, everyone is aware that getting good performance is like a camel
passing through the eye of a needle nowadays. One's ability can be clouded by
other's abilities so in order to stand out, a child must acquire nice habit
through rules of parents valuable habit acquired from strict rules. There
was a poll conducted by Korea Times with middle school students as respondents.
The purpose of the survey was to understand relationship between student's
performance and parents' regulation. The majority of students replied that
parents' control helped them to study well. The reason mainly concerned with was
that parents' force had students to study more hard harder and tightly. This indicated
that parents' rigorous regulation make children have good attitude as to
studying. makes children have good behavior
On
the top of that, young children typically lack self-willing to study or do
other thing without interest. So, they need their parents' guide to have motivation.
If children have more will by parents, they can do more variety of things to
help them succeed. For example, when I was in elementary
school, I really didn't have interest in studying. So I didn't have good score.
My parents persuaded me to start studying by giving candy or comic books.
However, it didn't work. Eventually they controlled me by strict rules, so I
begun to adjust studying schedule and got a good score later.. It showed that children
can be more willing through parents' rules.
To
sum up, considering beneficial habits and increased will of children that are
offered by parents' control, I firmly believed that parents should regulate
tightly children to make them succeed.
점수: 26 약간의 아쉬움이 있다면 단락의 균형을 맞췄으면 더 좋았을 에세이였던 거 같습니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 첫 번째 단락에서는 길게 서술하였지만 두 번째 단락 같은 경우에서는 짧게 서술 하였습니다. 이러한 균형 부분 이외에는 전체적으로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락들이 자신이 무엇을 말하고자 하는 지를 잘 아는 것 뿐만 아니라 왜 이러한 설명이 나오게 되었는지에 대한 구체적인 설명이 잘 되어 있는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |