> > 2010-03-28 13:59:09, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic :이 시대에 성공하기 위해서 중요한 스킬은 무엇인가?? | |
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There has been an argument regarding the issue that there is important skill a person would learn in older to be successful in the world today. of what is the most important skill a person should learn in order to be successful. Some people assert that people should learn how to study or how to make money to be success. However, from my perspective, when they learn skill of managing their life time(수명이라는 뜻이 되요~ 그냥 time으로 써주세용), they can live a successful life in the world today.
To start with, if people manage their time, they can make more fortune. That's because managing time help them to work efficiently in their workplace or their school. While most of people waste their important time playing computer game or seating sitting on their chairs without any thought, they can save their time as they use the skill. For example, my father have has been managing his time efficiently because he is businessman which needs strict time schedule. I thought that the skill of managing time is only about businessman's work, but, when he taught that skill, I realized that it is always helpful to all aspects of life. I used that skill during preparation of University entrance exams and I got good grades on account of managing my time.
:처음 주제 "시간관리를 잘하면 돈을 더 많이 벌수있다."에서 벗어나 본문은 다른 이야기로 전개가 되는듯하네요 ^^ 내용도 여러가지 이야기가 혼합되어 있어서 뚜렷한 주제가 보이지 않습니다.
On top of that, it time management(새로운 문단이므로 바로 it으로 쓰지 마세요 ^^) is very helpful for maintaining physical health. To be specific, people can live regular life with supervise their time everyday. For instance, when it comes to physical health, having breakfast is very significant method to maintain physical health because it helps human's brain and body working regularly. To having breakfast, they can manage waking up time, and they will eat breakfast everyday. There are many ways to sustain physical health such as exercising regularly, flowing their time schedule as well.
:시간관리→건강이 아니라 건강관리를 잘하면 저절로 시간관리가 된다는 뉘앙스를 풍깁니다. 마지막 문장은 어떻게 해야 건강관리를 할수있는지 예를 들어주셔서 주제에서 다소벗어났습니다.
스케줄을 짜서 살면 식사를 규칙적으로 하게 되고 그러면 자연히 건강도 좋아질수밖에 없다 이런식으로 cause&effect관계를 정확히 써주세요 ^^
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the skill of managing time will bring success in the whole nation. People will be successful man men (복수형) who makes money a lot a lot of money and is are healthy. As there are many books regarding how to manage life time, you may read about them and will be successful. | |
저번에 올린 essay 평에서 문법이 약하다고 하시길래 노력해서 다시 써봤습니다
4월 10일이 시험이라서 걱정되고 good이 안뜨면 어떻게 하지 하는 마음에
계속 essay를 올립니다.
문법이 약하다면 어떤식으로 공부를 하여 essay를 쓸 것인지
구체적인 방법을 제시해주시면 좋겠습니다.
:가장 중요한 것은 structure입니다. 에세이가 이리저리 흔들리고 있는 느낌입니다. Organization을 잘하시려면 브레인스토밍 후 글의 개요를 간략히 정리하시고 쓰기 시작하시면 됩니다. 시간이 부족하시다면 연습문제를 푸실때도 개요를 짜고 쓰는 연습을 하시기 바랍니다 ^^ 문법은 첨삭을 받으신 걸 보시고 부족한 내용에 따른 단원을 복습하시는 방법으로 공부하시면 확실히 도움될거라 생각합니다. 다 쓰신후 마지막에 다시 읽어보시는 것도 좋은 방법입니다.