안녕하세여~ 첨삭부탁드려여!
저 기억해주시는 분 잇을지 모르겟네여 첨삭 많이 했었는데 ㅎㅎ
지적 부탁드립니다.
You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy?
Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Everybody loves money. Money is essential to humans’ lives, despite the fact that with an excessive amount of it our consciousness could get contaminated by the flaws of the society. However, people still crave for more money in order to fulfill their satisfaction. In such situation, receiving money as a gift would be a “snow day” for most people. As a matter of fact, people would try to fulfill their desires right away: some might save the money in their bank account for the yearly interest, and some might spend the money on shopping, food or for entertainments. I am the kind of a person who prefers the latter choice. To specify a little more, I would spend the money for the tickets to a concert I want to attend.
Due to the fact that I love the power of live bands, I would choose my money on the concert. In fact, I love music, and I myself play a lot of instruments. I learned to play my instrument from my favorite bands, and they are the best teachers than any body else. Therefore, listening to them as an audience, in a live concert, would pump my adrenaline. A good example is when I actually received some money from my grandparents on the New Year’s Eve. I received about 300 dollars in total, and at the time, I did not know what to do with such amount of money. Fortunately, there was a news about my favorite band coming soon to
Furthermore, music concerts can be treasured in my memory for my life time, whereas jewelries are not. In addition, buying jewelry stimulates a person to crave for more jewelry. Of course, attending a music concert can make a person urge to go to another live concert also. However, there are always secondary options for this: there are great websites such as “youtube” where people can search for live performances and still feel the music. Also, people can video tape the performance and keep it as a treasure. In any ways, live performances can be treasured forever. On the other hand, jewelries can be lost, and stolen. Plus, like I said, people can never be satisfied with the current jewelry they have, and therefore it would not be too exaggerating to say buying jewelry is almost addictive. There are no secondary options to fulfill this desire. For instance, I bought my girlfriend an earring for our 100th day anniversary. It was pretty expensive as I recall, yet she wasn’t satisfied. She kept craving for more earrings, and that made me get disappointed. Notwithstanding, I still have an mp4 file of my favorite band performing, and I have the memory well secured in my memory.
It is undeniable that the choice really depends on the type of a person—from what I have experienced, women tend to have this inseparable attraction toward jewelries. However, I do not think it is a wrong choice to buy jewelry, and I believe there are certain advantages I am not aware of. I just think spending such a fortune on live concerts outweighs the pleasure a person can get from buying jewelry. Live concerts pump my adrenaline, and it is more eternal then the jewelries. Consequently, to recapitulate, I choose to spend my gift—money—on the concerts I would like to attend.