Assess the role that music plays in your life.
Music is literally defined as a vibration of sound. Despite of this simple and short definition in the dictionary, however, it actually means a great deal more than that. 사전은 정관사를 붙여줘야하는 명사 It consoles sorrowful people, makes one afraid happy, encourages desperate people, makes the arrogant one look back, and soothes people full of hatred. From its diverse and broad meanings, the value of music differs from person to person who accept it; it can be just annoying noise for someone, but simultaneously, a dream for someone. Personally, in my life, music occupies a large part. It is a strong connection between my father and me, a way of self-mature, a motive for my religious faith and my confidence.
My father, who considers music as significant and essential, taught me how to play the piano when I was 4 years old. And when I play the piano, he used to come to my room and sing along with my accompaniment.
병렬구조상으로,문법적으로 used to sing으로 하는게 옳음.
방으로 들어와서 노래를 부르곤 했다
As we have spent time in such ways when I was young, it became natural for me to be and talk with father playing music. Also we used to watch famous musicals or operas on a weekend and share our feelings about them together. Thus, unlike other father and daughter relationships, my father and I have spent a lot of time together talking about music. Because he and I have a common point, music, 바로 앞에서 이미 언급되었는데 다시 뒤에서 중복하는 것은 좋지않음. 대명사로 대체. we are able to better understand each other and have a deeper and more pleasant relationships which just ‘father and daughter’ cannot have.
Music, not only affects to relationship, to 삭제. 어펙트는 바로 목적어를 받음 but also strongly influences my characteristics and helps control myself efficiently. In my past days, I was a very competitive girl who always wanted to be better and better, and could not bear falling behind. Due to my cool-headed but vulnerable personality, I often used to get tired of myself and be often desperate. When I felt like that, I usually went to my room, locked the door, sat in front of my piano and played it. As I concentrated only on music I played, I forgot about everything else and soon got better. Also, by playing the piano, I used to control my anger and hatred because it provides me with time to have an easy and composed attitude.
Furthermore music is a driving force of my faith in religion. I have been volunteering as a coordinator in church since I was 13 years old.
13살 이래로 교회에서 코디네이터로서 자원봉사활동을 하고 있어왔다. 문맥상 주어가 하는 주체이므로 ing
Since I attended worship by leading the service playing piano, I came to realize my own way to devote and serve to God.
하게 되다~ came to
In addition, as I assumed a responsibility in my church, I felt a strong sense of belonging to my church and eventually my faith became stronger and harder.
Finally the most ultimate role that music plays in my life is that it is a great confidence on me. The confidence, in a simple way, is appeared whenever I need to introduce myself, and in broader and profound way, is shown in my serenity mind on any situations.
appeare는 완전 자동사로서 수동태가 불가능
For example, whenever I need to introduce and appeal myself to strangers, I mention about my ability to play musical instruments.
mention은 완전 타동사로서 목적어를 바로 받음. 즉 전치사를 받지 않음
As I know that it is quite impressive and favorable to them, I become am more assured and gain confidence in saying. Also, since I used to enjoy the music and control myself with it, I usually don’t tense on any new situations.
When I think of it now, music has been everywhere, anytime in my life. Even when I didn’t realize it, music always has been part of me and provides me with great happiness; it has been a strong connection between my father and me, a motive for my life, a power of my religious faith, and confidence. 수여동사 provide 목 with = ~에게 ~을 제공하다
Music, which just seems just abstractive, becomes clear in its role when it applied to one’s life. In my case, it is happiness. Thanks to music, my life became affluent and gratifying.
대체적으로 장황했지만 나쁘지않은듯