With the advent of spring, lately, many people go out or travel in order to feel refreshed. So there is a debate whether people can benefit more from traveling in their own country or not. Some people said say that traveling foreign countries is better since it allows people to experience various kinds of culture and it can broaden one's horizons. However, I think people can benefit more from traveling in their own country. First of all, Practically speaking, people can save time and money. In addition, people do not have to be afraid of lurking danger compared to traveling foreign countries.
To begin with, traveling in their own country enables people to save their money and time. Although some people said say that traveling foreign countries encourages people to learn about numerous different cultures, it is undeniable that it is too far and expensive to travel with comfortableness comfort. For example, a recent survey conducted by National Gallup Research with people concerning this issue, the survey showed that more than 65%of people said that they think traveling in their own courty is better. According to the study, they said people were reluctant to travel foreign countries because foreign countries are so far from their own country and people can not afford to trip to foreign countries on account of exorbitant airfares. As such, people are amount to save their priceless time and money without concerns by traveling in their own country. Therefore, people had better go on a trip to their own country.
:밑줄 친 내용은 숙어나 단어 선택이 지나치게 복잡해서 좀더 simplify하는 걸 추천합니다 !
*According to the study, people are reluctant to travel foreign countries because of the length and fee of air traveling. By traveling their own countries, people do not need to worry about these and can also save their precious time and money. Therefore, it is preferable to go on a trip to one's own country.
Moreover, unlike foreign countries, people are willing to go around anywhere in their birth countries unlike in foreign countries. Granted that Although traveling foreign countries can broaden one's horizons by hanging around in foreign countries, people tend to not travel here and there because of lurking hazard. For instance, when my aunt was in italy, she would go around cities to learn about italian culture. However, she could not help stopping travel cities due to the fact that she encountered gypsy group that stole people's money and belongings. Besides, she lost her way in italy. Unfortunately, she did not know about italian geography,thereby making it impossible for her to find her location with ease. As a result, by the time she managed to arrive at home by asking around and she was sick and tired of italy at that time.
Hence, traveling foreign countries would discourage people discourage rather than encourage.
lurking hazard가 있는 아이디어는 좋습니다! 그러나 우리나라 외에는 다 위험하다는 이야기로 받아들여질 오해가 있기때문에 "외국인들은 범죄의 표적이 되기 쉽다"라는 내용을 추가 하고. Aunt의 이야기는 지리를 잘 몰라서 일어난 일이기 때문에 뒷받침이 살짝 아쉽습니다.
위험하다는 내용/지리를 찾기 어렵다 둘중 하나만 support하게 써주세요 ~ (lurking danger추천)
In conclusion, it seems clear that people can benefit more from traveling in their own country than traveling in foreign countries. Since it can not only save people's money and time, but it can also protect people from lurking danger. The more people go on a trip to their own country, the more people can benefit from traveling.
:마지막 문장 "자국으로 여행을 많이 다닐 수록 더욱 여행에서 얻는 것이 많다"는 것은 또하나의 의견 같네요 ^^ 생략하셔도 무방합니다 ~