When I read some successful people’s anedotes, I felt that their success seem to be attributed by being lucky. some successful~는 척봐도 이상하니까, succeeded가 좋겠네요-However, I firmly believe that continuous and hard work is hidden behind their success.-behind their succeess가 맞는 표현인지는 모르겠습니다...그리고 hidden도 좋지만 concealed 가 좀더 좋게 들리네요 - Luck can help people succeed faster and more easily, but it is not necessary for success. Only hard work can guarantee the success.-fast가 부사로 쓰이기 때문에 more fast입니다...-
빨강색은 최대한 님의 문장들의 형태를 지켜가면서, 이렇게 하면 바람직스럽겠다...하는것... 그리고 좀더 부드럽게 연결되게 바꿨습니다
Whenever people read succeeded people’s anecdote, they usually think the success is more attributed to being lucky than their own effort. But, in fact, it is not. Luck may have played some role in their success, yet, luck can only aid people to succeed faster and more easily; it is their diligence of continuous and arduous work that made them succeed.
To begin with, opportunities are given to people who diligently work for their dream. People sometimes complain about their realities, backgrounds, and are easily likely to give up what they are trying to achieve. If so, when the opportunities come to them, they cannot catch them since they are not prepared. For example, Jisung Park, the most famous soccer player in Korea, graduated from Myongji university. Unfortunately, he seems to have little chance to be selected as one of Korean national soccer team in World Cup because players who graduated from the prestigious universities such as Korea university, Yonsei university etc had been selected as players in Korean national soccer team. However, he didnot give up his dream to play soccer in the World Cup, finally Guus Hiddink chose Jisung Park as a player in Korean team. Now, he is not only the most famous soccer player in Korea, but he also has been showing very good plays in Menchester United team, one of the best soccer team in the world. If he gave up his dream because of his poor background, he would never catch the opportunity that Guus Hiddink gave him.
-background가 있는건 없는것보다 낫겠지만, 이건 너무 많습니다... 게다가, 에세이 쓰는데 발음하기도 힘든 한국어가 반이면, 체점자들이 좋아하지는 않겠죠... 저가 빨강글씨에 써놨지만, 이럴땐 약간 구라를 섞어가면서 말을 해야, 체점자들이 극적인 요소를 보기때문에, 점수를 좀더 받을수 있을거라 생각합니다-
To succeed, people must work assiduously for their dream and only focus on them, so they can grab an opportunity when it comes to them. People often pass on the opportunity or even give up the opportunity, because they are not fully prepared. For example, my favourite soccer player, Jisung Park, is a very good model. (약간 edit 하겠습니다, 채점자가 바라는건 어떻게 이 example이 주제에 도움이 되는가지, 자잘한 background는 불필요…그리고 상황에 따라서 약간 구라도 쳐줘야 좀더 극적인 감동이 있음) Since he had flatfeet, he had a handicap of not being able to sprint, and run for a long time, which were the most essential part for soccer players. Within bearing a handicap, he could almost never play the actual game, or even if he did, it was only when there was no more substitute player. For four years, he practiced endlessly, everyday without a single exception. In 2002, when the Korea-Japan world cup began, Jisung Park was able to play the game as a starting member, and showed Korea how good he had become. Thereafter, he was scouted by Manchester United, one of the best soccer team in the world, with unimaginably large amount of money. He was able to succeed as a soccer player only because he did not withdraw, but work passionately for his dream.
On top of that, success is maintained only through consistent hard work. Many successful people like Bill Gates seem to take some rests everyday and play golf with their colleagues since they already succeeded. However, they are still doing hard work not to be caught up by many other competitors. As for me, my university promised me the full scholarship when I enter the university. However, there are some strict conditions that I have to meet such as maintaining high GPA every semester, submitting 50 pages reports, and getting some good recommendation letters from more than 3 professors. In order to satisfy this requirements, I really work harder than any other students in my university. This is because, if I fail to get the scholarship, paying tuitions will be such a big burden to me and my parents.
밑에 빨강글씨로 한국어로 써놓은것의 문장을 그대로 옮겨적으면,
무엇보다도, 성공은 계속되는 노동으로 인해서 유지되어진다. 빌게이츠와 같이 성공한 사람들은 이미 성공했기에, 매일 휴식을 취하고, 그들의 동료와 골프를 치러 다닌다. 그러나, 그들은 다른 경쟁자들에게 뒤쳐지지 않으려고 계속 일을 한다. 나의 경우에는, 대학이~~~....
좀 이상하죠? 골프나 휴식이 나올 자리가 아닙니다...그리고 나의 경우를 쓰기 전에, 앞서 말한 빌게이츠처럼 성공한 사람들하고 성공을 유지하는것하고 좀더 깊이 연관을 지어야 되구요... 그리고 as for me 보다는 in my case가 좋은거 같구요..
Not only to succeed, but also to maintain that success needs a consistent work. Many celebrities we know, like Bill Gates, live prosperous lives, and seem to be all resting since they have already succeeded. Nevertheless, in truth, that their business is ~~~(불확실한 정보, 근거의 타당성이 있지 않아서 뭐라고 쓸수가 없네요..) For instance, my university promised me the full scholarship when I first entered the university. From that, I would value myself as succeeded, since I achieved what I hoped to achieve. However, to maintain that success, I needed to keep high GPA every semester, submit almost fifty pages of report, and get good recommendation letters from three professors. To achieve this opportunity, I had worked hard, but to keep it, I realized, needs almost the same effort as I needed to achieve this.
To sum up, success is directly related to one’s hard work, not one’s being lucky. This is firstly because opportunities are more likely to go to people working hard all the time than ones just waiting for fortunes. Also, success can be maintained through constant hard work. |