▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, technology plays a significant role in many places where we study and play. Some people might say that development of technology harms children's creativity while others do not. If I were asked to answer, I would say that development of technology improves children's creativity rather than damages it for a couple of reasons.
First of all, children nowadays are more likely to improve their creativity through education equipped with many advanced tools. State of the art devices can convey knowledge with dramatic sound and visual effects. While iIn the past, children had to learn something merely through repetitive television programs or boring text books, now, children can stimulate their imagination during classes. Therefore, they have more opportunities to be inspired and become creative during compared to those of the past. 이것들이 '기술 발전을 통해서 가능해졌다'라는 점이 드러나도록 설명 내용을 조금 더 구체적으로 해주면 좋을 것 같아요. To illustrate, when I was a child, I often fed up with studying, since the contents and tools were are limited. So,they were are boring and old-fashioned. On the other hand, my niece, six years old, enjoys learning and excitingly explains about many things that he learned in kindergarten in an interesting way, like creative paintings, or computer programs. My sister, his mother, told me that if it were was in the past, he might not have been be able to enjoy learning. Thanks to nowadays technologies today, such as through creative and interesting materials they provide, various children become appealed to classes, improving their creativity creative, and My niece also benefits from them. In addition, the advance and spread of technologies let many children have easy access to creative contents. In the past, being educated by high quality materials was very costly. Meanwhile, these days, owing to the spread of technologies, like the Internet, people can utilize these with little fees or even free of charges . Therefore, the more and more children have become able to take advantage of imaginative and high quality contents. According to an article that I recently read in a magazine, young children these days are far more creative than those of the past thanks to the Internet. They tend to be more mature and express their thoughts better than the children in the past who tended to obey parents' and teachers' discipline and had framed thinking. Thus, tThis article implies that children these days are more creative than those in the past due to the invention of many technologies.
As I have mentioned above, new technologies allow children not only to enhance their creativity through learning process, but also to have easy access to the creative contents. In these regards, I strongly disagree with the opinion that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
Comment : 기술 발전이 creativity 증진에 도움을 줬다고 보는 입장이므로 creativity와 technology사이의 연관성이 더 잘 드러나는 흐름을 보여주는 편이 좋을 것 같아요. 질문 내용에 학습과 창의력을 둘 다 언급했다면 상관없지만, 창의력만 언급한 경우라면 학습에 도움이 된다거나 학습에 흥미를 보인다는 내용은 논점에서 벗어나는 것이 될 수 있으니 유의해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |