▶ Your Answer :
There are a lot of jobs these days to choose from. Some people think in selecting jobs, choosing a job that is different from their parents is better. However, I think selecting the same field of jobs as their parents is better because you can learn from your parents and you can get help from the forming connection with the people or companies company you need.
To begin with, if you choose the same field of jobs as your parents, you don't need to find a mentor on your career additionally because you can learn from your parents when you feel difficulty difficult on in your studies. Many people think the most trustworthy people in this planet are is our family, so nothing can be what's more better than learning to learn from your parents. ? Also, parents are the people who knows you the best because they raised you. So they can help you on your career studies using the best method methood quickly and efficiently as possible. For example, my uncle is a doctor. My cousin also wanted to be a doctor. So, he went to a med school after highschool graduation from high school. However, he had a hard time understanding studies in med school. So he asked my uncle, who is my cousin's father, for help. As Mmy uncle had experienced the same studies before, and since he knew what his son didn't know based on his son's learning and study style and habits habbits, he was able to help him more efficiently and faster than anyone.
On top of that, you can use your parents' connection in your career. If you choose a career that is different from than your parents', then you most likely have to make your own connections to a company or people relating related to the field, which is often hard work and takes consumes a lot of time. However, if you choose a career same as your parents, their connections could easily become your connections to the field. For example, one of my friends whose dad owns a fairly big company. Instead of choosing a different job, my friend decided to follow her dad's footsteps, instead of choosing a different job, thus to become a CEO of the same group. Since her dad already had several connections to other companies and employees, after her dad had passed away, she didn't have to reinforce or make other jobs work to preserve her dad's connections to become hers. Instead, it just naturally became her connections, because the late CEO was her dad. 부모와 같은 분야의 직업을 택하는 것과 부모의 직업을 물려받아서 돌아가신 뒤에 인맥/사업을 그대로 이어받는 것은 개념이 다릅니다. 설명한 내용에 더 잘 맞는 사례 내용을 제시해주면 좋을 것 같아요.
To sum up, if you choose the same career as your parents, you can get a lot of help that is specifically specificly matched for you, thus you can learn more quickly and efficiently about the field, and you can get benefits on the connections you need in the specific career you want to pursue. persue. For this reason, I agree that it is better for young people to select a job in the same field as their parents.
Comment : 더 효율적으로 그 직업에 대해 배울 수 있게 되고 인맥을 활용할 수 있어 좋다는 주장은 모두 reasonable합니다. 다만 각 사례 내용이 좀 더 설명과 잘 연결되는 내용으로 제시되었으면 하는 아쉬움이 좀 있어요. 한 문단 안에서 줄바꿈을 많이 하셨는데, 각각 문단별로 묶일 수 있도록 정리해서 글의 완성도를 높여주세요. 서론/본론/결론 각 문단으로만 줄바꿈을 하고 문단 안에서는 줄바꿈을 하지 않는 것이 원칙입니다. 문법오류와 오탈자도 많은 편이니 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |