▶ Your Answer :
Many people believe that the internet is
the most influential media on modern people. However, I believe that the television
has the greater influence on human society than the internet does today for the
following reasons: first, the television is more accessible than the internet,
and second, the information from television is more credible than that from the
internet.
To begin with, the access to the internet
is more difficult to some people than the television it is difficult for people to access to internet. It is because people have
to should be accustomed to computers to use the internet. For example, my father, who
is fifty-five years old, cannot use the computer well, because he did not learn
how to use the computer. As a result, he also cannot use the internet. On contrary,
there is almost nothing to learn to watch the television. Therefore, television
can affect to the more more on people than the internet can do. In this context, the
television has greater influence on human society.
On top of that, the information from the
internet is less reliable than that from the television. The internet has
enormous information because anyone can make any information on it. However, as
a result, there are also lots of false information. So, we do not believe the
information obtained from the internet, and consequently, the internet cannot
affect to our lives well. On the other hand, the information from the
television is reliable because the source of the information is more credible.
Therefore, the influence of television is greater than that of internet.
In brief, not only is the television more
accessible than the internet, but also the information from the television is
more reliable than that from the internet. Therefore, I believe that the
television affects us more powerfully than the internet does. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 첫 번째부분까지 잘 서술하였습니다. 본인이 이 에세이를 통해서 어떠한 말을 하려고 하는지를 잘 파악할 수 가 있었습니다. 하지만 문제가 되는 부분이 두 부분이 있습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 문법적 오류입니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 부분은 두 번째 바디의 논점입니다. 이 에세이에서 말하려고 하는 것이 티비가 더 신뢰할 만하다 인데. 어떤것이 신뢰하고 왜 티비를 통해서 정보를 취득해야하는지에 대한 설명이 없습니다 오히려 기본적인것을 장황하게 서술하였다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |