▶ Your Answer :
A thought-provoking current issue concerns which transportation altered people's lives. Some people think that automobiles and bicycles had greater impact on their daily life. However, in my opinion, the airplanes had greatly influenced them than other vehicles mentioned for the following subsequent reasons. on human life in general for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, airplanes allowed people to travel easier to overseas countries. This made possible for them to enjoy other country's food and culture more efficiently. For example, my grandmother first traveled to other country when she was 50 years old. Contrary In contrast, my first oversea travel was when I was 5 years old. When my grandmother was young there was no airplane. The airplane emerged when she was 50. She always told my siblings that airplanes made it very easy to travel to other countries and this is very good since I have a chance to learn about other cultures and taste new food Such trend is beneficial as it brought about variety of education supported for younger generation. It enabled me to experience new things since when I was young. On top of that, airplanes helped separated families to gather more often. With airplanes as a transportation, it makes time of travel very short and this allows separated families to meet occasionally. For instance, when me and my wife were not yet married we were long distance couples. When we first started this relationship, we decided to visit each other every month. Since my wife lived in Singapore and I lived in Korea that time, the only way we can see each other was to take airplanes. This made our relationship continue. If it wasn't for airplane it would have been very hard for us because taking other transportation was almost impossible for us to see each other that often. To sum up, airplanes gives people to travel to other countries and give more opportunities for separated families to meet occasionally. In this regard, airplanes are the most influential transportation vehicle.
Good: 24~30 점수 ;25 잘 서술하였습니다만 아쉬운 부분이 한 가지가 있습니다. 아쉬운 부분이 뭐냐면 지금 이 에세이는 너무 예시 중점인 에세이인거 같습니다. 예시들이 이유를 잘 서포트 하여서 좋긴 하였지만. 좀 더 이유에 대한 구체적인 설명이 더 나오는 것 도 좋을 거 같습니다. 전체적으로 이 에세이는 아주 칭찬하고 싶은 에세이입니다. 각 단락들이 간결하게 이유를 설득력 있게 풀어나가는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |