> > 2010-10-21 15:40:18, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic : Being happy with a job is more important that having a high salary. | |
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Being happy with a job is more important that having a high salary.
After graduating from university, we spend the bulk of time in their works. In spite of high-paying salary job, If we dread going to work, we will be going through hard time entire lifetime at working place and other aspect of lives. In this sense, I firmly believe that getting more happier job is much better than getting more lucrative job. This is mainly due to the fact that happiness cannot buy -> -> be bought with money and If we enjoy our jobs, we tend to be more successful.
->
-수준 높은 단어를 여기저기 사용하신 것과 비교적 어색하지 않게 적용된 점이 좋은것 같습니다.
전개가 매끄럽게 잘 되었습니다.
-happier는 이미 비교급이므로 more를 붙이지 않아도 됩니다.
-happiness가 사는 것이 아니라 사지는것이므로 be bought입니다.
To begin with, high-paying job don’t always give a person career satisfaction. While money is essential to live in capitalistic modern society, we actually make money for our happiness. Suppose that some people are stuck in position that they aren’t satisfied with. Although they made amount of money in his job,-> Although they will make a lot of money, they always will be tied up routines and feel like move his surrounding.-> 이부분은 이해하기가 힘듭니다. My brother, For example, entered medical school by parent’s suggestion and lucrative purpose. Even if he wanted to be a writer, he thought living as writer was hard to make his living. He grew a skillful doctor and he made much money. But after returning home, he felt unhappiness and didn’t know why he did such a hard work-> he felt futile and unhappy wondering why he's doing such hard work. Luckily, he wrote his novel every day,finally,-> 이부분이 뒤에와 잘 연결이 되지 않습니다. he started new job as writer. Now he said to me money wasn’t everything but stipulation to living
-> 예시가 적절해보입니다만, 문장들간 또는 문장 안에서 내용들간의 논리적인 연결을 좀더 다듬으면 좋을것 같습니다.
In addition, working whom they enjoy has possibility to succeed. As Korean old saying goes that diligent worker excels over lazy worker, but cannot win over worker with enjoying. This reflect that worker with enjoying put in more effort for self-accomplishment. they can’t compared with another worker that is always waiting his pay-checking. The best example of a figure is Steve Jobs, CEO of apple company. He quitted university and started his work at old garage. But he had no dissatisfaction this environment Because he really wanted to do his job and had a dream that change the world with his creative product. He broke and developed item again and again. Now His product such as I-pad, I-pod and I-phone is best selling item in the world and many people respect him his challenging spirit and creativeness.
To summarize, the advantage of getting a job with happiness outweigh that of high-paying job.
Because, we can’t get self-accomplishment with lucrative job and enjoying their job are like to help increase to succeed.
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이번에는 44분 걸렸네요.
계속 쓰다 보면 시간이 줄어들지 않을까 생각합니다 ㅠ