I strongly suggest that people should get information from various sources because these days,(문장에는 이상이 없지만 질문의 어구를 그대로 인용하시면 안되요)--> I strongly suggest that there is a need for people to gain information from a variety of sources정도로 바꾸시구요.. the more information you get more powerful you become(powerful이라는 말은 조금... influential정도?!) . And having an enormous amount of information will make the person more open-minded and give them a broader perspetive.여기도 조금 바꿔보겠습니다. 참고만하시길... Possession of data ensures an open-mindedness and broad perspective.
To start with, informations are is(정보는 보통 s 안붙습니다) crutial crucial to our everyday lives. To get ahead you must gather all the information you can get.(이 부분에서 말하시고 싶었던 것은 아마도 '앞서 나가기 위해서 많은 정보를 모아야한다'인가요... 그럼 이렇게는 어떨까요?^^ In order to take a lead in any fields, required data must be gathered. 수동태가 좋을 듯하네요..... To do that by collecting information from various resources will make the person a head start.---> 여기 좀 내용이 겹치고 어색하네요.. For example, using the internet, reading the newspapers and listening to the radio is are much more efficient than just reading a book.병렬 구조 지키시고 시제 지키시고!
On top of that, people can get a wider perspetive and view of the world.(wider하나면 충분합니다.) Knowing some major issues globally will encourage people to know more.(그냥 평서문으로 쓰세요) For instance, people knowing what's currently happening on the other side of the world, can understand and comprehend 똑같은 뜻의 단어를 연속으로 쓰실 필요없습니다.different lifestyles quickly and wanting (병렬 구조 지키시공!)to find out more about them.주제와 비교하시면 어긋난 문단이라고 생각 하실거예여...
그냥 문법상 교정해보겠습니다...
To sum up, I agree with the statement that in order to stay well-informed, people should be intimate with various news sources.사람들이 여러 다양한 출처와 친밀해야한다?! hmmm... people should have their ears to various news sources가 적당 할듯 하네요... |