It is often said that people can learn useful lessons by (~ing) games. Some people may be opposed to this statement, because they believe that games just make people waste their valuable time. However, I strongly believe that games teach people many important lessons about life. The rationale behind this is that games teach significance to observe rules and regulations. (significance of (following) rules and regulations) (크게 말하면, law-abiding spirit 의 중요성?! 을 들수도 있겠죠. 근데 law-abiding 은 짧게 게임에서 다루기에는 어색할수 있으니, 본론에서 설명하면서 거론하는게 좋겠습니다^^) Also, games allow people to enhance their social skills. (두 이유 모두 games 가 주어니까, 주어를 똑같이 놓고 두 이유를 list 하면 더 간단할것같네요~^^)
To begin with, playing games teach people the importance of following the rules. That is, in order to enjoy games, people should observe the games' (rules) and regulations. If people did not do not (경험 설명을 제외한 설명 부분은 모두 현재형으로 써주세요^^) follow the rules, the games would not be played anymore. (문장이 좀 어색하죠...^^) Therefore, people learn significance to conform the directions. For example, when I was little, I played board games with my family every weekend when I was little. Our family could bond with one another. (strengthen the relationship 한다.) I could naturally learn to observe rules and regulations by reading the game's description, waiting for my turn, and even being scolded when I cheated.
(예제 뒤에는 본론 전체에 대한 conclusion 이 있어야 하는데, 짧게라도 결론을 써주세요~!
그리고, life lesson에 중점을 두어야 하니까, "규칙을 지키는것" 이 어떻게 삶에서 중요한지 써주세요^^
rules을 follow 하는것의 중요성을 배운다. 그런데 이런 lesson 이 어떻게 applied 되는지?!
보드게임에 대한 예제를 쓰셨는데, bonding between family 는 이 문단의 설명에서 특별히 필요하지 않은 부분이니, 빼도 괜찮습니다^^.
규칙을 지키는일 = life lesson 이라고 정해놓고 시작하지 마시고, 주장 state 한 뒤에 설명해주세요~^^)
In addition, people can strengthen their social skills through playing games. (life lesson 을 teach 한다는 거니까.. 그에 맞는 주장을 써주세요^^. 게임이 ""무엇을"" teach 하는가? 에 대한 문제가 아니라, teach life lesson or not? 입니다~^^ social skill 에 대해 논하려면, social skill 이 아주 중요하다는 것. 을 배웠다거나, 짧게 importance of ~ 로 고쳐쓸수 있겠죠^^!!) This is because people, children in particular, can improve their social skills by participating in games such as soccer and basketball, which need collective efforts and cooperation. The best example of this is soccer. When participating in soccer games, people pass the ball to each other through openings, and cheer cheering for teammates. Furthermore, by collaborating, people strive to win with the team members. These activities enable people to fortify their social skills.
(그냥 sports 와 game sports 를 구분지어 써주세요~^^!! 운동을 위한 스포츠가 아니라 승패를 정하는 게임일때, 라고 써주시면 좋을것 같아요^^
이 문단에서도, social skill 이 도대체 specifically 어떤건지? 그리고 그게 어떻게 valuable life lesson 인지 쓰는것이 좋습니다!)
To sum up, games instruct people in with helpful lessons about life. Not only do they teach people the importance of following rules in life, but they also help people enhance their social skills. (valuable lesson 을 teach 하는것이 논지이기 때문에, enhance~ 보다는 ""가르친다"" 위주로 쓰는게 좋습니다^^*) )As a result, by playing games, we can open the path to success.) |