1. "main culprit of this" 가 무엇을 뜻하는 것인지 쉽게 들어오지가 않습니다. 또한 role models for us 뒤에 나오는 and 다음에는 동사가 있어야할 것습니다. that 안에 두 개의 문장(parents~for us, and~encouragement)이 있는 셈이므로 두 번째 문장의 동사는 give 로 해주면 좋겠습니다. "of their encouragement" 아마도 positive effect 를 보충설명해주는 것이겠죠? 그렇다면 콤마나 which is 로 연결해주는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다.
First of all, It is obvious that no matter how successful parents are or how much money they earn, parents are the best role models for all of us. My father who is an engineer 1. gives (provides) me so precious advice. Not only because that i am currently majoring in engineering science but also because that 2. he has lived longer life and experienced more than I. I truly respect my father. He widen my perspective on (of) choosing (selecting) a field of job. Also how to make a wise choice or behave in certain situation. According to news article,m many employers ask interviewees a question that who's their best role model is. And 3. finally qualified employees most said that their respectful a role model (as a teacher) is their parents. Thus, There is no doubt that parents are the most excellent role model of our life.
1. 충고해주다 라는 말을 할 때 advice 는 보통 give 라는 동사와 함께 다닙니다. 따라서 provides 보다는 gives를 쓰는 것이 좋습니다.
2. he lived 라고만 해버리면 아버지는 과거에 살았다는 의미가 되어버립니다. 그러나 이 문장에서 의도한 것은 아버지가 오래 사셨다, 그래서 연륜이 있다.. 이런 뜻으로 사용된 것이니 현재완료형태로 써주어야 합니다. 그리고 experienced more than I 라고 덧붙여 설명해주면 더 좋을 것 같습니다 ^^ 3. 밑줄 친 문장을 그래도 살리겨면 most 가 아니라 mostly 를 써주셔야 합니다. 조금 다르게 표현해본다면 most of qualified/successful interviewees(appliers/candidates) said~ 도 괜찮습니다.
Moreover the The long lasting and effective encouragement could be given (attained) by (from) parents. We have spent a big proportion of life with our parents. They know the best way to encourage us. Additionally, our sense is adapted to the way they disciplined us. 1. In my experience when I failed to get into college(.), they They hearten and energized me so that I never felt discouraged or desperate while i was preparing for another year of to take admission exams. 2. Therefore, I got into a college and I surely attributed my energy and endurance to my parents. As mentioned earlier (seen above), sincere encouragement can be attained from parents. This is what makes people stronger.
1. when 절은 부사절입니다. 따라서 이것만으로 완전한 문장이 되었다고 볼 수 없습니다. 뒤에 나오는 they~ 와 연결하여 쓰면 완전한 문장을 이룰 수 있습니다.
2. 잘 쓰셨는데요, energy and endurance 만으로는 설명이 조금 부족한 것 같아서 조금 덧붙여봤습니다. 반드시 이렇게 해야한다는 것은 아니니 참고로 봐두시면 좋을 것 같네요 ^^ Therefore, I entered college and I surely attributed energy and endurance that made me bear all diffeculties to parents.
To sum up, I firmly maintain that parents are the best teacher in (of) our life lives(,) for their influential encouragement and possibility of being a great role model. In fact, anyone can find just normal teacher who can superficially help us 1. (with) yearning something. Parents never betray us and they truely think of us all the time. Love from them is a source of energy and a main 2. culprit of parents being a great teacher.
1. yearning something 이 us 에 대한 설명이라면 with 를 빼주어야 합니다. 그래야 "우리가 무엇인가를 열망하게 도와줄 수 있다"로 해석됩니다.
2. culprit 의 정의는 " a person or thing responsible for causing a problem " 입니다. 부정적인 의미라는 거 느껴지시죠? 따라서 reason/motive 등등으로 바꿔주면 좋겠네요.
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