▶ Your Answer :
It is often said that doing much at a same time is not better than doing nothing. Thus,
people sometimes think that doing much makes them inefficient and rather useless. However, to do many things may be good skill itself in fast-changing society for two reasons: it gets us adapt the world trend according to drastic changes and it gives lots of chances to succeed.
First of all, the ability to display many skills allows us to adjust to the world. Generally, modern society is which is getting to change changing so drastically. (너무 토픽 센텐스가 길어서 끊어줬습니다.) That is because the more we have ability to treat different types of problems, the stronger our adaption skill would be. If we all had the experience of the problems we encountered before, we could have clear solution to get it done immediately. The appropriate example would be my friend’s case. He was dissatisfied with major lecture itself. He wanted to get internship or position which can give him experience from real work place not from classroom. He worked in the firm in finance industry, sales industry, and oil industry. This diverse experiences gave gives him the ability to solve the problem requiring many aspects. This implies that developing many skills from diverse experiences can be useful to succeed.
In addition, having many skills make us to create a lot of chances to succeed. Through retaining diverse abilities, we can choose lots of fields we can could go on. In other words, the meaning that there are many ways to go would permit us to have a stable mind and it makes us to decide a field prudently. According to the Ministry of Educationin Korea in 2011, students who have diverse experiences, at least 3 activities, got higher academic grade than those who have 1 or 2 experiences during university time. (왜 그런지 이유를 간략하게 써주시면 좋을것 같네요) This shows that many skills from different experiences would be valuable to succeed in our life.
Having just many abilities might seem to be wasteful and hallow. However, in terms of getting diverse aspects, to retaining many skills is crucial while we are living in unpredictable society. For these reasons, we have to learn many skills as possible as we can.
Comment: 초보치고는 꽤 잘쓰시는 편인데요 ㅎㅎ?? 논리구조가 어느정도 잘 맞기는하나 여러부분에서 supporting idea를 넣어줬으면 하는 부분들이 있네요. 그리고 항상 Topic sentence는 간략하게한 후, 일반서술로 넘어가줍니다. 일반서술에서는 절대로 자신의 의견을 쓰지말아주세요. Ex) I think , I believe |