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Most of us have had friends since we joined the social life.Friends are very important social relationship because we,human beings are so called "social animal".Good friends are the light of darkness in hard living world.However,we are inevitably have to compete with them under special circumstances. Competition makes us either break the friendship or strengthen it.As far as I am concerned,I believe that competition strengthen between friends by social activity or study.
To begin with,competition is beneficial for solidifying friendship because we can deeply understand each other by competing with each other. competition.Especially,in the sphere of sports activity,we are exposed to the competition between friends.Sports activity normally requires members to compete with each other.Sometimes we might quarrel because we eagerly want to win the game counterpart.However, through this process, we can understand others more throughly,and after this activity,we can solidify our friendship.For example,when I was a high school student,I liked to play basketball with friends.Sometimes my desire to win was so high that I and my friends used to be heartbroken.But However, we were wisely able to settle down the situation ,and after this solution, our friendship become more solid. (그후 closing sentence 를 써주시면 좋을거 같아요 ^^) was really good to our friendship.
On top of that,competition is advantageous for our study.In the student times,we are indispensably exposed to the competition. Although we don't like to be comparisoned,but our family and teachers are very interested in our grades.So Therefore, we have to compete with friends whether we want or not.Frankly, the competetion between friends is needed to some extent because the competition gives us motivation to study hard.For instance,when I was a high school student,my best friend was good at mathematics ,in contrast, I wasn't. At that time,I was really strived stirived to get good more better grades than my friends'.In the long run,I got a desirable grade in the final,I was really happy because of winning.Even though he helped me a lot preparing for exam,I got more higher than his grade. him in mathematics.He congratulated to on me with honest honestly,and I moved so much 어떠한 의미로 쓴건가요?.He is still my best friend so far. (여기서도 closing sentence 부탁드려요)
As I showed above,competition let the friendship either enhance or destroy.As long as we are wise,we can strengthen our friendship by competiton. Everything in the world has pros and cons.We can utilize the pros of competition.Consequently,we can develop our friendship more and more by cometition .
Comment : 일단 두번째 본론이 길기 때문에 두번째본론을 첫번째로 옮겨줬으면 좋겠습니다. 그리고 전반적으로는 논리구조가 괜찮지만 여러가지 문법실수들과 오류들이 있습니다. 또한 표현이 어색한 문장들도 있네요. 이런점들만 고려해주신다면 더욱 괜찮은 에쎄이가 될것같네요. 수고하셨습니다.
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