Some people said argue/say (said 과거형 쓰지 마셔요~!) that intelligent friend is better to know (being friends with intelligent people OR having intelligent friends around is better,) because intelligent friends (friends 가 더 좋은것같아요^^) can solve the problem easily when I have some problem, however, (however, 콤마 잊지마세요~) I firmly disagree that intelligent friend is better than funny friend for some reasons. (firmly believe that ~ 으로 써주시는게 좋아요^^ 그리고 ""friend"" 단수로 표현하시려면 an intelligent! a/an, the 주의해서 써주세요~!) Funny fun memories (about friend) ('재밌는 친구들과 함께 만든' 잊지말고 써주세요~!) is memorable, and when I talk with funny friend, it helps forget about worries. (relieves stress 라고 써주세요~!!!)
First of all, funny memories with friend who has a good sense of humor is memorable and special, (humorous friends 는 the better, 더 재밌는 memory 를 만들어준다. 라고 적어주는것이 좋을것같아요~!) so we can make memorable memories with funny friends. According to Korean News paper, (newspaper 띄어쓰지 않습니다^^ 그리고 Korean Newspaper 가 명칭이 아니라면 그냥 Korean newspaper 이라고 써주셔도 괜찮아요^^ 신문의 이름이 아닌 경우에는 Korean 만 대문자, newspaper 은 소문자로 써주세요~!) some scientist (some 은 복수입니다^^) said argue/mention/say that funny memory is remembered longer (reminisce 할때도 funny memories 들이 항상 남는다.) than serious and tedious memory. memories. For example, I have a friend who has a good sense of humor, (humorous friend) so I remember the all all events with him, and the series of events created lasting memories, but I have not any good have no good memories of a friend who is intelligent and serious. (intelligent and serious friend) I only remember of his intelligence and amazing information, not regarding him just information. In this point of view, funny memories with funny friend give good effect to you. (funny friends 가 fun memories 를 더 오래 남긴다. 라고 쓰는게 더 좋을것 같네요^^)
(계속 fun memories, funny friends, serious friends, 이렇게 반복하셨는데, 예제에서 만큼은 ""어떤 memory"" 인가를 적어주세요~!!^^ 짧게 적어주시는게 좋아요^^
그리고, serious 하고 inteliigent 하기만한 친구는 어떤식으로 재밌는 친구와 달랐는데, ""어떤 점에서"" 좋은 memory 를 남기지 못했다. 라고 써주세요~!!^^
some, one, other + 명사 주의하시구요! 마지막에는 good effect 라고 vague 하게 설명하지 마시고, 특정한 점을 표현해주세요. good effect 를 fun memories 로 대체하는것이 좋겠네요~!)
Moreover, when I talk with funny friends, he makes me to forget about worries. (being with humorous friends 가 relieves my stress 하는데 도움을 준다. 라고 쓰는게.. 더 좋겠네요^^) Many of people have concerns about unnecessary worries, (what are the unnecessary worries?!) so they have no to concern about that. (they should not have concerns? 라는 뜻인가요?.. have no to? 문법에 없는 표현입니다...^^; do not have to ~ 인가요?^^) I can only forget all about the worries, (무엇을 함으로써 forget about my worries 할수있는지 써주셔야죠~^^ By hanging out with humorous friends, not only can I forget about my worries, but also~ ) but also laugh out loud while during talking with funny friends. For example, I was really depressed because of final exam. ('one time' 을 넣어주세요!) But my best friend who is really funny guys (표현방법도 잘못되신것 같고, who is ~ guys?! 동사와 명사의 단/복수 주의하세요^^!) came and talk to me, (being with humorous friends 가 좋을것 같아요^^ 굳이 대화를 나눴다는 표현을 쓰려면, had conversation, talk for a while .. 각 표현 모두 문장 구조와 형식에 맞춰서 쓰셔야합니다!) I could forget my worry about my worries~ about final exam, also I felt that exam is not a big deal, and I can do it every thing (띄어쓰기 없습니다) after big laugh with funny friends.
(이 문단도.. 똑같은 주장의 반복 입니다. 계속 "대화를 함으로써 걱정을 잊게 해준다" 라는 표현만 반복적으로 쓰신것같아요^^... example도 어떤식으로 humorous friends 가 웃겼길래 relieve stress from exams했는지 구체적으로 적어주셔야죠...^^
그리고, funny friends, good memories, worries, 이런 단어를 무한반복 하지 마시고, 되도록이면 다른 단어를 사용해서 새롭게 표현해주세요~!
bold부분은 문법 실수입니다. 그리고 but, because (because of 는 상황에 따라 괜찮습니다^^), and, so 등으로 문장을 시작하지 않습니다. 주의하세요!)
To sum up, Funny friends can make memorable memories in your life and help you forget about worries, making funny friends give positive effect to you. In this regards, I absolutely disagree that it is better to have an intelligent friends than a friends who has a sense of humor.
(밑줄그은 문장이 main 주장이니까, conclusion 앞부분에 적어주세요.
그리고, 문제에서 주어진 문장을 똑같이 쓰는것은 피해주세요! 같은 맥락, 같은 의미를 가진 문장이라도 자기의 own words 로 쓰는것과 똑같이 쓰는것은 읽는 입장에서는 '느낌'에서 확연히 차이가 납니다~. careless 하다고 느껴질수도 있구요. 주의하세요~^^
문장 안에서 지명, 특정한 이름이 아닌경우에는 대문자로 표현하지 않습니다^^. 작은 실수라도 주의깊게 보세요!) |