▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the fewer possessions you have, the happier you will be, while other people think differently. Both sides may have their own views to support their views, If I have to choose one, I would say that if people have fewer possessions, they will be happier. There are several reasons and example as follow. First of all, having fewer possession is cost-effective. Everything that people purchase has a financial cost, even if the product is relatively inexpensive. And these expenses can increase quickly. By reducing unnecessarily cost, people can became become more financially stable, and thus, happier. Economic stress is one of the main reasons that causes discomfort in people’s lifes cause discomfort in people's daily life. According to a study conducted by researchers, financial concerns are the most significant reasons for depression and divorce in modern cultures. There These problems often resulted from a desire to have more material possessions. In other words, the desire to have new cars or upgrade a home can lead to unhappiness later. On the other hand, whose who only require few possessions are able to live within their means and can better avoid stress from economic concerns. On top of that, the fewer possessions you have, you can reduce burden from possessions. Basically, keeping things in good state requires a lot of attention, time, and effort. This can take away time and resources that could be used to other activities. For instance, a friend of mine used to have two cars, a motorcycle, and a boat. Although he liked having these things, he often complained about how much responsibility they required. He told me that whenever something was broken, he had to change his schedule to repair that. Eventually, he decided to sell one of the cars with the boat. When I asked him about getting rid of something you liked so much, he told me that he does not miss having them at all. In fact, he is much happier now with fewer things to take care of. In brief, I firmly believe that the advantages of having fewer things far weigh its advantages for the reasons I have mentioned before. All in all, the importance of happy from reducing a desire to get more cannot be underestimated in one’s life. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 전체적으로 잘 서술하였지만 문제가 되는 부분이 몇 개가 있습니다. 일단 첫 번째 바디에서 문제점들이 좀 드러나고 있는 거 같습니다. 첫 번째 문제는 문법적인 오류입니다. 문법적 부분은 제가 첨삭한 것을 보고 확인 해주시길 바랍니다. 또한 끝맺음이 이상하게 끝난 거 같습니다. 이 바디의 끝맺음을 통하여서 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 지 잘 모르겠습니다. 좀 더 elaborate하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분 빼고는 크게 문제가 되는 부분이 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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