■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : People
who do not accept criticism cannot be successful at work place. |
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▶ Your Answer : Agree Some people think that people who do not accept criticism can be successful at work place. However, in my opinion, people should accept criticism for success in their field. There are two reasons. First, people who do not accept criticism are those who do not make up for their drawback. Second, this is because of accepting criticism is the same as gaining more experience.
First, not accepting criticism is not making up for their drawback. The meaning of success has completely changed compared to the past. If it was merely focusing on one’s own ability and excelling others, now it is different. Along with your own ability, it is crucial to be recognized by others and have followers. In this sense, accepting criticism can be helpful. For example, when I was working at LG fashion for summer internship, my coworker did not accept the boss or superior’s advice when he made a mistake. Because of his attitude, He repeated the mistake after hearing the advice. Finally, he failed the final evaluation about internship.
Second, accepting criticism is the same as gaining more experience. I think experience is one of the most essential factors in this world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge. Their views would be so narrow. By accepting criticism people can not only gain diverse experience but also, broaden their horizon of the world. For example, when I was operating a small fashion brand, through Q&A part I received opinions, such as customer’s claim and improvement point, experienced and thought about others' thinking. consequently, I supplemented my brand’s clothes' drawback like design, color or length and sales two times more. At that time, I felt criticism is always not bad, sometimes it is stimulation to me to do better things.
To sum up, not accepting criticism is not making up for drawback. Moreover, accepting criticism is the same as gaining more experience. In this regard, I firmly believe that people should accept criticism for success in their field for the reasons I mentioned above. |
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16/30
1. 대소문자 구별을 잘 해주세요.
2. 동명사를 비롯해서 전체적으로 문법이 상당히 어지럽습니다. 단복수, 관사 등 모든 부분에서 꼼꼼한 체크가 필요합니다.
3. 모든 문단 (esp. conclusion)의 길이는 3문장 이상으로 맞춰주세요.
4. 두 번째 문단 예시에서 정확히 고객의 어떤 지적을 받았는지 구체적으로 말씀해주시면 좋을 듯 합니다.
5. 첫 번째 문단 예시에서도 어떤 mistake였는지 부연설명을 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*