▶ Your Answer : It might be some people who believe that food has become easier to prepare which does not change improved the way people live. Some people believe, although food has become easier to prepare, it does not change the way people live. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons, Firstly, preparing food easier makes that we can do many thing in a day makes people do many things. Also, It makes relieve our stress the convenience made people relieve stress.
First of all, In the past people takes take too many times to prepare food, so their working efficiency is very bad. To be specific, people who live nowadays can do many things in a day because they have many times technology allows people do things faster and easier. However people who live in the past only do few things in a day because of taking too much time to prepare food. For example, I do may things like playing soccer and doing my homework in a day but if I born in the past I cannot do this because I have no enough time to do these things. 주제를 벗어났습니다. 이 에세이의 주제는 음식을 만드는 것이 쉬워짐에 따라서 사람들에게 더 좋은 영향을 주었냐 인데. 젼혀 관련이 없는 많은 것을 할 수 있다라는 것 이 나왔습니다. 음식에 관련된 예시와 설명을 해줘야 할 거 같습니다.
Second, If preparing food is hard, it is very stressful everyday. This is because preparing food in order to eat is everyday work in our life so if it become easier people can relieve stress comparing with the past. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. I always cook with microwave range. Thus I have less stress to prepare food. However if It had not been invented, I would have stress. In addition, according to research done by Korea University, 80% of people nowadays can relieve stress due to becoming easier to prepare food easy preparation for food. Therefore it makes people have healthy life that they can take away from stressful preparing food.
In conclusion, preparing food easier makes not only doing many things in a day but also relieving stress. In this regard, I personally believe that becoming easier to prepare food has change improved the way people live. Fair: 17~23 점수: 18 일단 주제를 먼저 벗어났습니다. 이 에세이의 주제는 전반적으로 음식을 만드는것이 쉬워짐 에 따라 사람들에게 어떠한 영향을 주냐 에 대한 에세이인데. 각 바디에 이러한 것을 명시하는 것 보다는 전혀 연관 성이 없는 곳에 대한 에세이를 서술하신 거 같습니다. 항상 에세이를 서술하실 때 주제를 잘 파악하고 에세이를 쓰는 것을 추천 합니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |